WeReWoLF's 凌乱的想法。。。

生活...努力生活。

2011-03-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

努力生活，慵懒的休闲，这是我最近的理念。

很久没有写心情。心情不是写给别人看的。是......是......是自我反省的一种。

最近受到很多同龄压力。jim买了房子，poh买了新车，只有我，两手空空，一屁股债。
真的很压力。原本以为有一位有潜质的买家，突然又要把计划压后......
真的有点无奈。

和凌忆过着有点小幸福的生活。就是好像缺了什么。时常看见别人的成就，自己回生自己的气，会发脾气。
看见别人对女朋友好，自己会朝哪个方向努力。但是，看见别人的女朋友对他们好，自己女朋友没做到，会发怒。会妒嫉。会问自己什么别人的女朋友总是这么好。

有凌忆在我身边，应该是人生中最幸福的事。奇怪的是，为什么有时候，像今晚，总觉得很空虚？
身体和精神的疲累真的会影响心情。
但是，真的很感谢凌忆一直在我身边不离不弃，不嫌弃我这个爱发脾气，没出息又无能的胖子。

我就是这么自卑。自信都不懂事什么了。

好想换几样东西。

１车，快一点，好一点的。
２电话，有型一点，好玩一点，电池耐一点的。
３手提电脑，要小，要快，要有型。最好比ｉｂｏｏｋ还有型！

和琪越来越少联络了。近来都各忙各的。真正见面的时间，真的很难安排。彼此都很容易生彼此的气。然后见面有和好如初。

她好像真的和她的男朋友分手了。只可惜，不是在我能放弃一切的时候了。
年纪大了，不晓得为什么，总是害怕失去东西。尤其是爱你的人。。。。
一年前，十个月前，我辛辛苦苦，苦口婆心的时候，我愿意背负所有罪名和她一起的时候，为什么她毅然放弃我？

回想起，心里会淌血．．．．．

像一个人远走高飞。

现实真的有时候压得人喘不过气。
我想念和凌忆手牵手搭巴士，手牵手走路去上课的时光。
那时，多么的单纯！　

什么是生命中的最重要？

我一直在想，有时候，我真的是太在乎别人怎么想我了。
我，做自己就好啦！为什么要跟着别人的模式去塑造一个不属于自己的自己？

唉...岁月催人老...好像去看海，去看山！

晚安！

老友记

2010-01-11T01:14:00.002+08:00

有时候,有一个知心朋友,真得很不错。

像我老爸和他的老友,这么多年,彼此的生日都是一起过.从两个人,到两对人,到两班人...到现在阎府同请,这么多年,始终没有变。

人生短短数十载,有什么比能和对的人一起度过美好时光来的重要？

爱的人,要是对的。朋友,要是对的。

看着老爸和uncle HONG 一起唱着他们年轻时的歌，突然陷入沉思。谁，会在我六十岁大寿时，和我一起唱我们曾经唱过的歌？

我的朋友们，如果你读了这篇心情，而我们六十岁还是朋友，我都要和你们唱一首歌。不，两首，三首，更多更多。
一起，我们歌颂我们一起走过的岁月，一起歌颂生命，歌颂友谊，歌颂我们快乐的人生!

漫漫人生路,偶尔会迷失...

2009-11-17T00:31:00.003+08:00

当我接到电话,才发现,有时候一个决定,就让我错过了一个机会,还要付出一些不值得的代价。

X X X X X X X X X X X X

当我有了这种感觉，我知道，我又让自己跌入了一种非常熟悉的心情里。我知道，这种感觉足以让我迷失自己，失去对自己的信任。但，面对这样的情况，我又确实深深的着迷了。

X X X X X X X X X X X X

因为有了一只鱼，就得要放弃整个海洋。不是不能，只是茫茫沧海，还没有经历足够的磨练，还没有历尽沧桑，又怎能说放弃就甘心放弃？

X X X X X X X X X X X X

奇怪为什么最近自己变得很怪。一时喜欢孤单，一是享受寂寞，一时却要和朋友一大班一起夸口聊天...有时候，自己都搞不清楚是真的要说，还是只是一种心灵感觉，还是纯粹为了消遣别人，消遣自己，然后让时间过去，然后漫无目的的走开。。。

坚强一点！

2009-09-16T00:35:00.000+08:00

阳光男孩的绝灭

2009-08-23T03:02:00.003+08:00

以前,总爱告诉朋友自己是阳光男孩,而且是肥胖版的。
因为内心的一股年少轻狂的劲,入世未深,往往把世界想得简单完美,而且一副游戏人间的潇洒... ...

而后，踏入社会工作，大染缸！学好学坏全凭一念之差。
慢慢的，学会处事待人，然后明白世界不是简单的转动。每一分钟，每一秒钟，都是许许多多复杂的东西不停发生而形成的。

懂得这个道理，更明白到美好的生活是要靠打拼，而不是头想眼看然后随便做做工就能得到。更别瞎想有工钱高工作少，压力少福利好的工作。

收了工钱，就得服务周全。所以，OT超时、星期日甚至是假期，当收到电话，都得工作。受人钱财，替人消灾！

除此之外，还有一大堆的保险费电税费房屋租金，然后就是填肚子的费用等琳琳种种。。。

XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX

于是，人心变的险恶。为达目的总是耍手段，耍阴谋。世界由美好变得灰暗。人心由单纯变得复杂。

嬉皮笑脸嬉不起来，阳光男孩乌云密布。
开心活泼无忧无虑爱玩好动变得不切实际。整天嘻嘻哈哈多半成不了大业！

当工作担子压下来，生活压力压下来，责任一层层的重叠，游戏人间的洒脱变成了不负责任、逃避责任的指责！

于是，阳光肥男孩不再阳光。梦想与现实越离越远。
阳光肥男不笑不哭，麻木望着天，期待奇迹的出现。。。。。。。。。。。。

听听心情，慰籍一下疲惫的心。

笑不出来... ...

2009-06-14T00:40:00.002+08:00

多久没有开怀大笑了？
多久没有开玩笑了？
多久没有无忧无虑的微笑了？

哈哈。很久。
可悲，但是真得很久了。
我想，自从我自己一个人在大学的那一年，就没有了。
原因很简单... 一个人要过，真得很不简单。

XXX XXX XXX XXX

工作,总是那么的严肃。不够严肃，又深怕自己弄错、犯错。然后就会有同事给你翻白眼看... 老板就会抓着你来责问。
还要忍受一些不懂装懂，不会假会的人的假惺惺和你好，然后胡乱给一些奇怪的order，让你乱七八糟！

气煞！有时真地想醉一醉。但是，没有勇气。
我的人就是这么庸才。什么都只敢做一点点，深怕没有回头路。总是要为自己留一条后路。殊不知，没有尽全力的事，往往就只是那种没有尽全力的收获。永远不会有完整丰富的收获。
谁可以给一点劝告，让我能有一件事，是完完全全义无反顾，奋不顾身，孤注一掷，破釜沉舟，努力向前呢？

XXX XXX XXX XXX

话说回来，真的很久没有大笑...
很久没有放纵...
很久没有尽情胡闹。
是不是二十五的年纪，不能有孩子气？不能有赤子之心？不能再偶尔小孩以下？

二十五... 闷死了！

工作... 闷死了！

钱财是粪土！没有粪土，种不出美味的五谷！
没有人可以不吃不喝。
最后，还是向现实低头了... ... ... ...

NUMB

2009-05-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

今晚

愤怒无止尽扩散。
目空一切，横冲直撞！那种很想好好把人干掉、把人毁掉的黑色邪恶负面感觉真得很爽！
这一刻的我，感觉可以完成任何事情！只是，我并不受驶于任何一个人。

我不属于任何人，可是全部人都属于我。我有剥夺任何人的任何东西的能力！
因为这一刻，我是魔鬼。
我会让得罪我的人过得很惨，他们会希望我让他们快些离去！

这就是我。负面感觉完全释放的我，不受控制的我... ...

黑暗的我、邪恶的我、完全不理性不讲道理、完全狂、完全傲、完全唯我独尊的我... ...
这一刻的我，自己都会害怕的我，感觉棒极了！

泪桥（二）

2009-05-05T01:11:00.005+08:00

又是《泪桥》...有时这首歌，让我有写些文字的感觉。

很久很久，没有一首这么有感觉的歌。因该说，感觉没有这么重...没有那种一听，就能体会到当中感觉的歌曲。是因为现在的音乐太肤浅？是因为自己很久没有用心去聆听？

不晓得。

今天，突然觉得生活真的有太多的不如意，太多的危险，太多的意外和意想不到的事。凡事都得小心翼翼，有时真的很累...有时候，要关心自己心爱的人，却让自己有一些过虑。有时候，真的希望世界美好些、安全些，至少，我爱的人都可以安安全全，不必每天提心吊胆，深怕自己会时下一个罪案受害者。

一直按着Next Track...没有一首歌有一点让我听下去的感觉。

忽然，芊芊静听出现了一首歌。《Never Say Goodbye》... 忽然有了想继续听完整首歌的感觉。Never Say Goodbye... Please Dont Say Good Bye....要是错过幸福会有多遗憾...

真的，会有多遗憾？真的，会很很很遗憾。

或许，当我们真得太遗憾，当我们眼泪流下来，我们也只能期待奇迹的到来...

然后，另一首歌响起，听见了林志炫的声音，还有动力火车。
是那首歌，AIR SUPPLY 的经典之一，<>的中文版，《爱你不如爱上海》...
我想你在千里之外...我想你会打来...面对所有人都看坏，都说爱上你不如爱上海...黄浦江流大海，我想你在千里之外

然后，听见那再熟悉不过的钢琴过门，是《冲动》的琴声。

都很悲伤，都是一些悲伤感性的情歌。虽然心情被牵着，但是我知道，我还是幸福的。

然后，想起一首英文歌，一首曾经让我掉泪过的英文歌。《Here Without You》。
真的，曾经，这首歌，让我流泪。
是曾经，因为，现在已经不会。

漫无目的，没有方向和内容的文字，真的很烂...
晚安，地球人！

青花瓷

2009-04-22T00:40:00.004+08:00

天青色等烟雨, 而我在等你...炊烟袅袅升起,隔江千万里...

这样的旋律，配上这样的歌词... 堪称绝佩！
听着这首歌，想象着平静的江面，黄昏时，平静而安详；对岸远处，可以看见几户人家正准备食物，炊烟从烟囱慢慢升起...巍巍的山上，还飘着朦胧的烟雨...

好美的一幅画！

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

这个星期，好累！太多的突发事件，让我喘不过气来。
工作之外，还好有人陪我喝酒，陪我谈天。
就算没有别人，至少还有你，陪我谈天，听我胡扯，看我下班后的大小孩模样，那种慵懒和顽皮的言论... 还有大言不惭、眼高手低、漫无目的的谈论着发财大计！
也只有你，会微笑看着我，叫我要节省，然后说我是个长得很胖的傻瓜！
你工作很累，我知道。因为，我比谁都心痛。
加油！工作满一年后，我们再看怎样走下一步棋。我会永远陪你一起走...

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

想了好久，其实我也不知道自己下一步棋该怎么走。

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

一起出来,好吗?
很想知道,你到底在想什么... ...
很想看看你的文字，是否和你所说的一样，这么动听，那么让人陶醉、让人迷恋。
很想知道，那种滋味是如何。是甜中带苦？是酸辣咸？是甜酸恰到好？
能握你的手，感觉会是如何？
偶然想起你，回忆决堤不受控制...
和你,有太多的过去...

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

星期四,我会回去看<沁瓶子>的第五届发表会。
因为,那儿曾经有我的回忆，使我心的归属。
加油！一定要把《好瓶如潮》唱好！因为，那是<沁瓶子>的精神所在！

现实

2009-04-15T00:06:00.005+08:00

过去两天，像是活在一种亢奋的状态，什么事都能够哼哼歌曲然后去办妥。
今天傍晚，那亢奋济似乎不管用了。慢慢的，情绪恢复了原有的... ... 现实的那些负面感觉，也慢慢开始再次困扰着我。

对自己的一些感觉，越来越质疑。该不该想？

有些时候，一些剩下的回忆，才是让人缅怀，苦苦不能自己。
一个轻轻的握手，一个关心的慰问，甚至是一个回眸一笑，眼神交会的那一刻，仿佛回到了过去。

五月天 - 突然好想你

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向
各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

突然好想你你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然听到你的消息

这首歌，出现在三年前，真的把我所有的感觉都具体描述出来... ...
可惜，现在听见，觉得有些贴切，有些呛耳... ... 像把一颗石头丢进一片平静的湖面... 不足以兴风作浪，但却成功地记起了一波波的涟漪，一圈一圈，慢慢扩散出去...直到慢慢消失，然后又是平静的湖面。

只是，这平静的心湖，在偶然的际遇下，还是会被激起一波波的涟漪。
这种感觉，值得细细品尝。慢慢感觉回忆带来的甜蜜、苦涩...

我想拥有一颗大一些的石头，抛进湖里，让涟漪延续久些，可以吗？

回到现实，突然真的好想你。

回到现实，是我想太多吗？

回到现实，好好过每一天吧！

海阔天空

你

2009-04-14T01:44:00.002+08:00

你唱过的歌曲，我重复听，一遍一遍...
你说过的话，我记在心，想了又想...
你看着我的样子，在脑海里，回忆再回忆...
你就是有这种魅力...
多年以后的今天，依然不减...
至少对我，你永远会是得不到的美好！
因为，在多年前，感觉的强烈不是一笔一划所能刻画...
那种从自然变换的感觉，多年以后的今天，见到你，还是刻骨铭心。
这样的夜里，听着你唱过的歌曲，突然回忆里有你。
另一边的你，可否曾经真心的想过我？

回去现在的从前！

2009-04-09T22:55:00.001+08:00

玩音乐，是从前到现在的梦想。
但是，每次有机会时，却没有把所有的心机都放下去。每次都只是付出了50%、60%...其余的，都给了别的东西，把注意力分散了。

工作以来，见识增广了不少。更懂得待人处事，也更能够处理一些以前所不能处理的事项。

泪桥

2008-09-21T02:21:00.002+08:00

有好一段日子没有写下自己的心情、自己的感觉了。
以前，很习惯写日记。后来，不写了。有了部落格，喜欢在部落格记载点滴。
后来，不写了。因为不想把自己坦荡的裸露在别人面前。

今晚，选择写，多少也因为想写下自己此刻的心理，想着的，最近想过的事。

BEYOND NEXT STAGE 演唱会会在十月在云顶举行，可惜，只剩下叶世荣与黄贯中来。黄家强没来。仅剩的BEYOND三子都不能来齐。。。所有曾经为他们疯狂的朋友，都不愿意掏钱来看。原因很简单。。。他们觉得，BEYOND的摇滚精神永长存，但剩下来的团员，诚意和精神都不足。所以，都不愿和我去看。而我，看来要错过了。

唉......

我毕业了。对。我毕业了。毕业整四个月了。毕业典礼也快过一个多月了。我在白沙罗一间公司工作。用生命赚取零钱来继续生活。
一次，还被我的一位比我资深八个月的同事当着我面前，向我老板说了许多关于我完全不是事实的指责。说了很多。让我觉得很委屈。但是，我会让他知道，他面对的，是一个绝对比他还要高品格，更宽宏大量，更谦虚的人。我还必须天天面对他，还要装作若无其事。但我会忍。因为，我觉得老板因该是一个还可以慧眼识英雄的人。不会让这种卑鄙小人得逞！就算老板瞎了眼，我也不会让他得逞！死蔡粪，咋们走着瞧！！！

想起都火冒三仗！！！巴不得把它的脸塞进一堆粪里！
气！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

凌晨两点，N 年前的自己，这种时候是最感性的时候。因为都会听听感性的歌，写些感性的文字。
不晓得是不是太久没有把自己沉浸在文学的染缸里，今晚想写的心情，都是乎表现不出来。

九月的天空，一时像火炉般酷热，一时大雨又倾盆而下。许多人都病了。我还病了两次。真的不是一个好月。
好累啊。。。好想睡了。
最近爱上了伍佰的《泪桥》，因为觉得很好听。
我把握未来的一年，都卖给了“维努希”。希望一切顺顺利利，别让愚笨自大狂妄无知的同事乱我好事。
用生命来换取钱财，拿来买吃的用的，好维持生命。
在拿有限的生命继续换取更多的钱。。。
然后这过程就一直重复，直到有一天，头脑不再有氧，心脏不再跳，眼看不见，耳听不到，没有了知觉与感觉。。。然后生命结束。。。。。。

难道人生就该这样？
我可以捍卫我仅有的尊严吗？！
我一定要站稳立场，坚持自己的信念和理念！

马来西亚，晚安。
地球人，晚安。
爹娘弟妹。。。晚安。
宝贝，爱你。晚安。美梦！

Graduating...Graduate....Graduated

2008-05-21T12:46:00.002+08:00

p/s: this will be the 1st blog in more then half year. it records my immediate memories and feelin i had after my last paper ever in MMU, the place where i spent 5 years of my most precious life at. english is rusty coz lack of usage.

XXX XXX XXX XXX

6.00am, The Morning Call

Shaf woke me up by calling me at 6am sharp. Wat a fren, haha ^o^. I answered his call with a fresh and awake voice, n then i fell asleep back. the next time i open my eye, it was 7.34am. Exam was at 9am, i need to go out at 8.30am, fetch lingyee to her company. Rush up from bed, i go through the chapters and short notes with those equations tat i need to memorize... and the morning seem shorter then ever!

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8.50am, The Grand Hall
Met Shaf and Aik Haw infront of the Grand Hall and we walk into the Final Battlefield. I was anxious, and i was exciting. The time was ticking. I look through the questions. I smile. This time, Maths is no longer my BARRIER to graduate. i can do this...its not that difficult. (Electronics is... my BIG BARRIER to graduate...stil unknow whether pass or fail... BODERLINE!!!)

11.00am, Final Battle Ended
"Dear Students, Time's Up, you must stop your writing now. Make sure you fill in the required information, and it is your responsibility to ensure that the answer sheet is submitted to the invigilator. Any answer sheets that is taken out of the exam hall shall not be accepted under any circumstances.... " Chief Invigilator Dr. XXX XXX ask us to stop writing. And stop writing i did. i was calculating my marks. hmm... a firm pass i suppose. Great. Answer sheets are collected, and after they calculate the amount of answer sheets, i proceed out of the hall with Shaf, and plenty of feelings flooded into my mind... my heart... my whole body.

I walk out the grand hall as a student for the last time. Juniors everywhere. Shaf had another exam tmr, so i din went crazy shouting or hugging with him. This also means that no matter how happy, how emotional attached i am, its all about me and myself only. I felt like jumping and shouting, and mayb everyone will think i am crazy.

Hard to believe, it all ended just like that. The very last paper. As a student.

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5 years in MMU, plus 1 year foundation in MMU Melacca. its 6 fxxcking Long Years. i came across thousands of chicks from all over malaysia, and even some middle east country, met thousands of ppl from all over the malaysia and some from other country, been spending thousands and thousands of my parent's money here. Got my 1st NIKE here also, my 1st Converse also, my 1st Air, my 1st Lebron...

get to play my favorite basketball, and my SIFU (house mate) aka Ah Han will teach me the way to play better... learn to format computer.. (yeah, format computer) learn my drumming skill, learn composing and playing in a band, learn to communicate, learn to have fun and mix with people around. Joining all sorts of activity to occupied my time so that i din end up a stupid COMPUTER GAMER. i had to say, I AM PROUD NOT TO BE A GAMER!!! i spend time hanging out with chicks, frens, makan minum watch movie, all the good days!!! YAHOOO!!!!!!

Thinking back of the old times, the old days...from hostel...till cyberia B3-6-10...till the current C1-10-1, different place, different ways of living, but the same good people that flourishes my life, leaving unforgettable memories for me, help building up the Ming Wei that you all know today, a bigger, fatter, better Ming Wei.

Tears of bitter-sweet memories, tears of joy, tears of life!

All the best to all Graduated Student. May you all have a save and successful journey of life! My sincere wishes to all! Love you all!!!

Ming Wei Rocks!!!
MMU ROCKS!!!
OPTICAL MAJOR ROCKS!!!
MY FRENS ROCKS!!!
NOT MY FREN also ROCKS!!!
Peace out! lmL

Please remember, Ming Wei used to ROCK HERE~!!!

文字、月亮、黎明、心情。。。

2007-11-26T05:45:00.000+08:00

黎明时分到了。我还没睡。对。还没睡。
昨夜浩洁明亮的月亮，悬挂在远方，准备收工了吧。
明天是难得的一天假期（每星期都有）。工作后，仿佛一个星期很久，左盼右盼，才能好不容易盼到一天假期。
假期前的夜晚，身躯疲惫得走一步都懒。可是心里脑里有十万个不愿睡觉。
原因简单。睡醒了，就是假期。假期一完，就得上班，就得工作。
重复那五天毫无新意的工作。然后再次盼望假日的来临。
手指头在键盘上懒洋洋的打着文字，耳朵听着音乐，心里想着别的东西。
眼皮要掉下来，死死撑着。
心情，却是平静、自然、和纯朴。

人生如梦，梦如人生。
人生如戏，戏入人生。
戏，是人们寻找梦想的地方。

忆，谢谢你接受我的不完美。

世界无时无刻都在变。但只要我们心中有个自己，我们就不会迷失方向。
人生路难行，有朋友就不孤寂。
把酒，黄昏后。举杯，黎明时。。。
痛饮一杯，豪情万千！
再见今天，迎接明天！

再不想睡，也有累的时候。
想睡前，往往思绪起伏。

人在外头闯荡，离乡背井。。。
都不打紧。最重要，要懂得倦鸟知返。

天空中，忽然有些通红。
空气依旧清新凉爽，晨雾依旧朦胧。。。
不识赛城真面目，只愿身在此城中！
十楼的我望向远方。。。深呼吸一口。

欢迎，晨曦！
晚安。

明伟提
2007 年 11月 26日
早上6 时正

珍惜。。。

2007-11-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

珍惜。。。珍惜。简单容易的两个字，突然今天一直重重地敲着我的心坎。

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每个人都有失意、失望、忧伤和意志消沉的时候。记得年头时，是我这年头里算是最不顺利的时候。从学府慢步走回赛城的公寓里，垂头丧气。经过小孩玩乐的游乐园，看着稚气无邪的孩童们玩耍，却没有一丝丝的欢乐和笑意。走着走着，迎面来了一个印裔同胞。头顶顶着大大的帽子，手里拿着一打个铁制的水壶，吃力地一拐一拐走向前。从他一身的打扮，看得出，他是一个泥水工人。

停下了脚步，我望着他冲我身边擦肩而过，然后愈走愈远。那短短的三秒钟，我心里却若有所思，感触良多。然后，眼泪忽然模糊了视线。一个跛脚的印裔同胞，能够为了生活，用精力和汗水去换取温饱。尽管行动不能如期他人一样方便，却能够靠自己养活自己。而我，却因为自己的一些笑挫折而沮丧、垂头丧气。。。真得很惭愧。自己真的太幸福了。身在福中不知福！
那天之后的很多很多天，偶尔回忆起这短短的记忆，总是能让我一次一次的告诉自己：“珍惜眼前所有，把握每一份每一秒。”

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人却也是健忘的动物。有些时候，有些感觉和记忆，会随着日子忙碌的过，吃喝玩乐加材米油盐，娱乐加快乐，而把那些曾经有过得记忆慢慢淡忘。物质享受更是让人迷失自己。

大学的工业训练的第三个星期的星期五，工作到八点，和凌忆吃完晚餐、送她回家后，自己把车停到停车场。发现后面来了一个四十来岁、衣着普通的印裔同胞。我自觉地警戒起来，唯恐他居心不良。他走过来，向我微笑。我冷酷的望了他一下。他说了一些东西。很小声。我听不清楚。见他的手势，我起初以为他要向我讨钱。.

我用马来文回问他要什么。他重复的说了两次，直到第三次，我才清楚听到他说，"Car Wash"。原来他问我要不要给他洗车。我“哦”一声，然后摇手说不要。顺势把背包拿出，然后把车门关上。他礼貌的微笑所了一声“Thank You”，然后离开了。

近来很多公寓住客搬了，来了新的那些，都不懂有个印度人在这里帮人洗车的。看来他是生意不太好，才逐个逐个车主去问要不要洗车。我小人之心，除了让自己惭愧万分，还让我有回之前年头时遇见跛脚的泥水工人一样的感觉。昨天才是印度人的新年，今天他已经出来再次为自己的生活打拼。辛辛苦苦为人家洗车，辛辛苦苦以劳力挣钱。而我，却在星期一花穷人家半个月的家庭费用去买了一双鞋。想起来，真的很惭愧，很奢侈。

我曾经告诉我妈，说以后有钱要买什么什么给她和老爸。她回了我一句：“有钱，拿去建校吧。拿去造福人类。”
这句话，深深的让我感动。

珍惜眼前所有。用爱的角度，去看这个世界。

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刚才，其实我真的有冲动，要让他帮我洗车。这样，我的车干净，他又可以赚钱。。。何乐不为？

向所有努力正当合法去赚钱的人，我明伟向你们致敬！不管赚钱多少，只要是用心，脚踏实地，努力和诚意，靠自己赚钱的，就算日子平凡，也可以心安理得，问心无愧。

希望世界和平美好。大家有饭开，有工作，没有疾病没有痛苦。每个人开开心心快快乐乐过一生。

平安喜乐。

A Song By Bon Jovi, To Share To Everyone Who Read My Blog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ur4gUnbyoQ

雨夜，街灯，我的心......

2007-10-28T23:31:00.000+08:00

豆般大的雨点，滴滴答答，伴着我从万津到赛城的路程。橙黄色的街灯。。。被车镜上的雨露折射再折射。。。感觉好浪漫。车镜前的路很长。街灯沿着路一直伸延到一个未知的尽头。一个人的路程，孤单，但自由。有些独立的感觉。在这样一个雨夜，更好似有千头万绪。路面因雨水反射再反射街灯而显得闪亮，亮晶晶。。。橙黄的街灯，闪亮的街道，滴着的雨，还有988立叶的声音。。。加上自己心情怪怪的。感觉除了浪漫，突然还觉得，感性的自己突然回来了。

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非常喜欢雨。尤其是夜里。尤其可以倚在窗前看雨。尤其可以在赛城的公寓楼里，望向远方的雨景。天气凉，景色迷人，一个人看着看着，思绪总是游走，穿梭在过去、现在、未来的自己。会想想。。。也会有的没的在发呆。感觉，除了轻松，还是轻松。当然，还有稍稍的写意。雨，洗涤的我内心的阴霾和尘雾。让我看清自己，整顿思绪。雨夜，让我一觉到天明。没有烦恼，只有美梦。仿佛世界一切都美好。

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感觉，感情和最原始的直觉到底有什么分别？到底应该跟哪一个？我非常喜欢最原始最野蛮的兽性。感觉很狂、很强、很血腥且很野！

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一天又过了。一觉醒来又是新的一天。昨天的回忆无论酸甜，都是美好的。

Update... or...Just Simply Write Something...let u all know I am not DEATH. Muahahahah!!!

2007-10-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

Once again... i am here. Writting something in my BLOG...B...L...O...G. Why? i dont know. Its been long since i wrote something here. Y this time i am writting in English? Haha. Eunice... --> Becoz of u... i write my blog in english... Becoz of u... i will try to write all blog in english...Becoz of u i write my Blog in english and put many pictures...Bcoz of u... i write english... BCOZ of U!!!

Ok. So i din write anything for so long. Suddenly write back, n realize some changes. Changes that silently changes everyone. Some frens working hardly already. Others struggling to find job, some broke up some got together. Others stil searching chances to giv out their virginity... (wat hack am i toking?)

I Finished my FYP part 1. (report haven submit ar...) Internship gonna start next monday. P2i. Yes, i wil b having my 3 months spend in P2i. Cyberjaya. Yeah...i know. Wat to do... *sigh*

Performance in Final Exam was...Deadly. Can pass? Duno. Struggling to survive. Faster end this Uni life of mine. Had enuf torture from Exams. Pls...pls... make me pass.

Everonez Band ended as my fren flew to UK for 2 years study. Mayb new one will come sooner? haha.

Performance in New Era Flying Melody Concert was superb. Sing on stage for the 1st time in last 11 years. Was cool. Drum playin was fun too.

Will upload some pictures soon... bout New Era Concert!

Ling Yee went for the New Era Flying Melody Concert also!

Mean while... hang out wit 5 guys in ALOHA last sunday. Man it was one hack of a CLUB. Cool. Beautiful gals everywhere. Nv wana get my ass out of tat club... but its too late already. i was almost drunk. Thanks to the stupid LIE game. loose all the way... Anyway the band was fun, the music was fun. Gals there was fun too.

Wat else. nothing la. Sien at home. Getting fatter n fatter. Big fat Pig --> Me!

旧病复发

2007-07-24T03:28:00.000+08:00

旧病复发。旧病复发了。懒得说什么病。

最近对篮球过于热枕，现在变得有负面感觉。就是有点讨厌。从讨厌自己到讨厌它。不能怪它。有时候我自己状态也不好。但就是对停泄不前的技术进度有很大的失望。前后都有最少三年了。打了这么久，还是像今天这样。没有自己，没有自由的篮球。想打自己的篮球、快乐的篮球、自由的篮球，可以吗？可以吗可以吗？用娃娃音来说：“可以吗?"

我近来渐渐习惯了没有之前那班朋友的生活。是好事。至少，生活还是要继续。慢慢寻找和融入另外一班人的生活里。

功课慢慢要跟不上了。情绪也比较长失控，让自己跌入自卑的深谷里。

要加倍努力！！！

WIRA仔我最近养得很辛苦。常常很口渴，很需要喝油。

Internet line 最近也好像慢了很多。

世界好像越来越不和平。马来西亚社会风气败坏。匪徒动不动就砍死人。警察都不能相信。骗子到处是，骗人技巧层出不穷。金钱越来越难存，越来越不好花。唱negarakuku的人要被抓了。我们的社会生病了。到处可见病态的人们。

都说了，我最近比较灰。看东西都看负面了。

为什么最近好像没有梦想了？

我需要寻梦。唱一首歌：”我又回到我的寻梦园，美丽的梦依稀又出现。。。~~~“ 多么经典的一首歌。
再来一首：“一人有一个梦想，两人为爱情迷蒙，三人有三种爱找各自理想。。。~~~“
再来一首：“追追追我追过梦想追过我自己，有梦的明天，那就是我的未来。“
最后一首：“恰似一帘幽梦~~~“
好多梦，都不是我的梦。

爱美丽越来越忙，找不到她喝茶。洪水牛其实很漂亮，只是要会打扮。学校里很多美眉，全都好像小学生的高度，日系的服装，还有中学的脑袋，来到大学，像小孩。可看可爱不会有幻想！

谢凌忆，谢谢你。一切一切。我爱你。

没有东西写了。睡觉。

“窗前明月光
一是地上霜
举头望明月
低头思故乡“

昨夜星辰昨夜梦
昨夜赛城雨朦胧
遥望灯火阑珊处
自酢自醉自消愁

冷风、朦胧、烟雨赛城！

写于，
2007年7月24日凌晨3点52分

不知道要写些什么。。。

2007-05-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

不知道要写些什么。

写一年来干过的事吧（academic year 06/07）。。。

今年开始。。。不小心接了沁瓶子创作坊的副坊长职务。从此，在忙于闲之间打转。发表会忙得经常翘课。职责所在，免不了。和几位朋友（坊委）写了首歌给《乐过明天》发表会当发表会主题歌。结束了。在忙乱匆忙中，在那首〈乐过明天〉的歌声中。。。《乐过明天发表会》结束了。这次没有上次的喜悦，只有一些满足，和很多很多的如释重负。

今年本是我这一年电子工程系的最后一年大学生涯。但，偏偏我成了我生命中最大的污点。我留级了。毕不了业。大学课业一团糟。自己独个人的大学并不如想象中的潇洒。第二学期就体验到了。大家都去实习工作，我在校园打滚。大学漂亮的校园突然觉得有点冷漠，有点陌生。大学生活所以快乐，因为有梦有朋友。没有朋友，只有自己的大学，不好玩。

回想起五年来的种种，酸甜苦辣，都和一班室友、邻居、还有大学的朋友一起度过。与室友同居四年/三年，和邻居为邻了三年。日子不算太长，但人生却没有多少个时候，我们可以大家聚在一起，好朋友一起住隔壁。而且那些一起走过的日子，一起大喊大叫，一起交换礼物，结伴出游。。。
不止他们，还有许多朋友，大学朋友。一起去蒲nite club,一起去高级bar浪费时间与金钱，一起出去游玩、看戏、倒数新年、圣诞、一起进考场考试、互相帮忙，那些一切，都将成为我生命中不可磨灭的烙印。老土，但我就是这么老土。朋友，谢谢你们的美好日子，快乐时光。谢谢你给我一起走过的日子。

16/6/2007 是今天的日期。凌晨1点20分。还有两天新的学年就开始了。我还在压力中慢慢适应。。。适应新的生活节奏，新的生活环境，新的人事。面对种种挑战，不能妥协！一定要力争到底。

三个星期前和现在的巨大差异让人始料部级、措手不及、还让人有点尿急。
看，临结尾，还是放了一句怪怪的东西，幽了一幽自己。。。可悲，呜呼哀哉。。。爱美丽看了，一定说被我“炸到爆”。

我必须重申，写这篇段心情的时候，我是悲哀、不舍、压力、矛盾、没有喜，只有悲的交集、今日不知名日事、今朝有酒今朝醉、自毁、自闭、自甘堕落一点点、自己傻傻不懂该做什么的心情。

怀念过去，迎向未来！！！祝我好运，祝我努力，祝我事事顺利，万事顺意，这样就大吉大利。。。
我再说什么？？？

If u wana know... u can ask some1...some1 like me...

2007-05-21T14:25:00.000+08:00

If u wana know... how long 1 second is...
ask the person who just got saved from a deathly accidently.

If you wana know... how long is 1 minute...
ask the student who just cant finish writting the last equation of his exam paper because lack of 1 minute.

If you wana know... how long 10 minutes is,
ask the student who cant finish half the question in exam because lack of tat 10 min... (in this case, me)

If you wana know... how long 1 hour is,
ask the student who cant do half of the question coz he woke up late for exam, no time to do a last view of the short notes... (unfortunately, u can ask me too)

If you wana know... how long 1 day is,
ask the student who cant do the whole question because he late one day to start his study on that subject, and fail to answer in the exam paper. (wana ask me also can, but i not la...)

If you wana know... how long 1 month is,
ask a mother who is 1 moth to giving birth to a baby.

If you wana know... how long 1 semester is,
ask a student who need to extend 1 semester just for 1 stupid subject. (not me, lucky~~~ ^_^)

If you wana know... how long 1 academic year is,
ask a student tat is forced to extend 1 academic year just because he did not do well in the previous years exams...(this u can ask me la...)

c...so many involve me, i am so knowledgeble!!! muahahahhaha...

昔日寒山问拾得

2007-03-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

寒山与拾得两位大师，是佛教史上著名的诗僧。唐代天台山国清寺隐僧寒山与拾得，行迹怪诞，言语非常，相传是文殊菩萨与普贤菩萨的化身。

他们之间的玄妙对谈，不是一般凡夫俗子所能领受的，试看下面这则记载在古尊宿语录中的问答：

昔日寒山问拾得曰：世间谤我、欺我、辱我、笑我、轻我、贱我、恶我、骗我、如何处治乎？

拾得云：只是忍他、让他、由他、避他、耐他、敬他、不要理他、再待几年你且看他。

寒山云：还有甚诀可以躲得？

拾得云：我曾看过弥勒菩萨偈，你且听我念偈曰：

有人骂老拙，老拙只说好；有人打老拙，老拙自睡倒。
涕唾在面上，随它自干了，我也省气力，他也无烦恼。
这样波罗密，便是妙中宝。若知这消息，何愁道不了？
人弱心不弱，人贫道不贫，一心要修行，常在道中办。
世人爱荣华，我不争场面；名利总成空，贪心无足厌。
金银积如山，难买无常限；古今多少人，那个活几千。
这个逞英雄，那个做好汉，看看两发白，年年容颜变，
日月像抛梭，光阴如射箭，不久病来侵，低头暗嗟叹，
自想年少时，不把修行办，得病想回头，阎王无转限。
马上放下手，回头未为晚；也不论是非，也不把家办，
也不争人我，也不做好汉，骂着也不觉，问着如哑汉，
打着也不理，推着混身转，也不怕人笑，也不做脸面，
几年儿女债，抛开不再见。好个争名利，转眼荒郊伴。
我看世上人，都是精扯淡。劝君即回头，单把修行干。
做个大丈夫，一刀截两段；跳出红火坑，做个清凉汉。
悟得真常理，日月为邻伴。”

这个绝妙的问答，蕴含了面对人我是非的处世之道，因此虽经一千多年，至今仍然脍炙人口。清朝雍正年间，寒山、拾得被追封为“和合二圣”，与丰干合称为“国清三隐”。寒山子，又名贫子，经常栖身在天台山始丰县西的寒岩幽窟中，因此被称为寒山子。由于身居寒岩，饮食无着落，所以常到国清寺，向厨房中洗碗筷的拾得要饭吃。拾得的身世不详，据说他年幼时被人遗弃在赤城道侧，恰巧被正在经行的丰干禅师发现，带回国清寺中，因此名为拾得。拾得原来担任斋堂的行堂工作，一日忽然兀自登座，与诸佛像对坐而食，口中嚷着：“憍陈如！你这声闻小果啊！”旁若无人地比划着筷子，呵呵大笑，因而被改派到厨房洗碗碟，正因为如此的因缘，他才有机会把剩下的菜肴装在竹筒里，给寒山来取用。寒山来寺时，或在廊下踱步，或者对空谩骂，总是容貌枯悴，衣衫褴褛，头上经常戴着桦树皮作成的帽子，脚下则穿着木屐，然而在他的怪异言行之中，似乎蕴藏着许多佛理。有时候，他的荒诞行径惹得寺僧不耐，拿杖棍逐赶他，他也不以为意，反而拍拍手，呵呵大笑而去。

当时的台州太守闾丘胤，受到丰干指引，慕名来访寒山文殊、拾得普贤二人，寺里大众正纳闷着，“何以一位大官却来礼拜这等疯狂的人？”这时，寒山、拾得突然喝道：“丰干饶舌！弥陀不识，礼我为何？”两人挽臂笑傲，跨出寺门，走向寒岩，从此再也不曾出现在国清寺。闾丘胤于是带着医药、衣物前往寒岩拜谒，只听到远处传来寒山的喝喊：“贼！贼！”便缩身回岩缝中，又大喊：“奉劝诸君，大家好好努力吧！”说完，岩缝自行封合，二人从此杳无踪迹。闾丘胤在哀慕之余，请寺僧道翘捡寻他们的遗物，只于林间抄得三百多首诗偈，编录为《寒山诗》，拾得写在国清寺内的诗偈，也收进《寒山诗》中。

我的诺言

2007-02-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

歌曲：我的诺言

歌手：赵传专辑：约定
词曲:刘天健

许多人都羡慕我的年纪小小
成就有如此的好
其实其实我的皱纹比谁都来的早
每次面对自己人生没有目标
不自觉的哭哭又笑笑
原来原来泪水是我发泄情绪的依靠
然而爱恨缠绵岂是在一夜之间
现实理想总是又如此相怨
我的泪水我的诺言
在我生命里面你是否看见
这是我对自己下的考验
这是我对自己许的诺言
当我走到生命终点的那一天
请告诉我是否实现
我的诺言不会改变
也许你会问我希望是否渺小
会不会跟我到老
其实其实这种心情你终究会知道
在是是非非恩恩怨怨人世间
欢喜悲伤总是又不可避免
我的泪水我的诺言
在我生命里面你是否看见

最近的最近。。。（朋友篇）

2006-10-14T04:39:00.001+08:00

大考完了的第六天凌晨，刚回来半个小时。刚才的 galaxy 唱k 满不错。很好玩。大家都还算瞒放的。喝了很多红酒，头有些重。就是不想睡。

傍晚时，和光纶还有两个中国学生一起打球。很好玩。完全没有压力。就很随兴。和他们即兴比赛，和光纶赢了两罐可乐，哈哈！光纶给我的感觉，很像我弟弟。真得很像。没有压力，纯粹感受自由自在无拘无束的篮球。可以快乐的笑，从头到尾。

刚才和朋友去唱k喝茶。非常珍惜和他们在一起的日子。因为，大家都快毕业了。在一起的时间已经不多了。我觉得。。。未来两年将会是我人生扭转最多的时候。要好朋友都不再要好。曾经在一起的酸甜苦辣，回味无穷！这些，都是我们一起走过的日子。五年。。。漫长的五年，认识到这班很棒的朋友！！！我很幸运。他们毕业后的一年里，我得靠自己的努力自己奋斗。。。自己闯出一片自己的天空，没有朋友为我点缀寂寞的夜空了。

朋友们，谢谢你们。真的。是你们，塑造了现在的我。是好是坏已经不重要。重要的是，我的生命肯定更精彩，因为有你们为我留下回忆，留下足迹，就给了我美丽的人生。

如果我们从此不再见，请记得，曾经有我，在你生命中留下印迹。不管是深还是浅，请记得我。如果若干年后忘了我的名字，请记得我的样子。我不会忘记你们的。

过几天的langkawi旅行，希望我们可以快快乐乐，大家玩玩，笑笑，谈谈，然后留下回忆，以待往后的思念。

我六年级时，就已经知道，今日的快乐，是明日的怀念。希望以后如果有gathering，请不要放飞机，或放鸽子，或爽约。希望我们能够至少一年来一个gathering。然后谈谈近况，唱唱歌，吹吹风聊聊天，轻轻松松见个面。不要觉得压力。好吗？

愿我们友谊长存！！！
很高兴你们闯入我的人生，成为我人生的一部分，丰富了我的一生！

男孩，变成男人！

2006-08-15T01:40:00.000+08:00

其实每个男孩，本来都是想做一个感情转一的好男人的。
其实每个男孩，本来看女孩都是看脸而不是胸部的。
其实每个男孩，本来都是不会将黄色笑话的。
其实每个男孩，本来都是渴望爱一个人直到永远的。
只是，没有任何女孩爱这样的男孩。
她们觉得这样的男孩太幼稚，太古板，太没情趣。

于是男孩开始改变，变成女孩喜欢的那种：
嘴角挂着坏坏的笑，
玩世不恭或者幽默，
开始学会说甜言蜜语而不是心里想说的话，
开始学会假装关心、学会给女孩送小饰物讨好她，
学会如何追求，如何把握爱情，
或者看破红尘，游戏情场，成为女人恨恨的那种男人，
他们可以很容易俘获女孩子的心，
但是他们也会在黑的夜里抽着烟流泪。
心里有爱的时候，没有明白愿意接受的女孩，
有了女孩，却永远没有了爱的感觉。
在听到女人抱怨世上没有一个好男人时。。。
他们不会再去努力做个好男人，
只是微笑擦肩而过。。。

Its Like .... Its Like...

2006-07-31T20:15:00.001+08:00

It's like... it's like... it's like... blaa blaa...sounds like fort minor's song. but nonono~ its not.

lets tok about something. my shoe... gosh...i love my shoe. its been with me since 20th December 2005. and now. to me, its like i'm wearing a M3 (BMW M3) on my feet. With superb performance, great shox for absorbtion, great grip, great flight ability, hi-tech shoe lacing, beautiful crafted design.its just like the M3. But, its like a M3 without a superb driver. i am not a good shoe owner. so, after 8 months and 11 days, after wearing for basketball for shopping for movie for mamak yam cha for dinner for lunch for campus for everything tat i can ever do with it, it started to torn off... but like the M3, its stil my beloved shoe (car). without u, how can i live on?~

lets tok about somethign else. my exam today.wow...u can't believe how much theory it comes out. how less calculation there is. its like i am back to the good old form 5, studying those english literature stuff. only this time, its all about optical metrology. congratulation to me, coz i focus on the tutorial, not the notes. and so, i can't answer the question. so, its a fail. its like so dumb ass. after the submission of the paper, i look around, wondering if others can do it, wondering what have i been studying for the pass 2 days. wat a loser!Its like...i am driving a car...but i want it to fly in the air. in the end... the flying car was grounded. its like...damn...its like...shit!

lets tok about another thing. my pcb board, i prepared everything well, on the spot itself, i am able to print out, n directly proceed to the pcb board proses. shit happens. its like when u r driving a ferrari, u r leading the rest, and suddenly u found out that the engine is actually a stupid CAMPRO in a ferrari casing. plus, a flat tire. during the etch process, somehow my voltage supply copper line was...not connected. as long as 0.5cm was not connect. shit... then, after the striping process, i realize tat the top hole n bottom hole was not allign (mouth n ass hole nv align, but is not the 2 hole i am refering.) so when i drill, the top part ok, the bottom part copper area connection will be broken. no~~~ its like... damn...i tot i was drivin a ferrari!

lets tok about some other stuff stuff. my english is getting really rusty. in the lab, when i speak with Dr Wong...wow...guess what did i said. "Sir, i can drill, but when the top is ok, the bottom part...er....er....the.......the.....copper is.....er....er............ (thinking what word is suitable to use) patah...." >.< WTF....patah!!! Its like cheap english! its like stupid idiot who try to act as ABC. i dont want.

i twist my waist. it aching...
itslike a fat dummy... cant walk properly...
tummy bouncy acting funny, be a joker making ppl happy.
i force myself to stop basket ball, just to smoothen the recovery.
but my body really itchy. cant even tahan 1 day no basket bally.
life sucks when ur waist is like twisty. go to the chinese tabib he help me ma-sa-chi.
ask me not to twist nor take things tat is heavy. 10 minutes ma-sa-chi, cost me forty!
ask me to go again on tuesday, but i hav no money.
i dun care the tabib, coz it doesnt seem better abit.
i dun wana play basketbally, coz i wan my waist to sui sui go through recovery.
tats all tat i can think. if u read this crapy blogy and felt shitty, pls dun blame me.
i am just writting wat i feel, which is no offence to anybody.
u use ur eyes to read. if u felt unhappy, dig ur eyes out boil it wit coffee.
this is my blog, there is no refree... no red card and no barring.
i write my stuff...u happy u read. u not happy pls dun pee.
tata for now my fellow buddy. hope to c u again in the next blogy.

如山岗上...那静静的弯月。

2006-06-24T01:44:00.000+08:00

听过范晓萱的《RAIN》吗？在很久很久以前的我，曾经听过这首歌。觉得十分好听。不算是超级雄壮，不算是绕梁三日。但，就是淡淡的，平淡的很有味道。甜酸苦辣咸，各种滋味恰到好处。轻轻的唱着...Rain...falling in my heart...

歌曲重视能敲动人心。总是能激起对某件事的回忆。可以是痛苦，可以是甜蜜，可以是诡异，可以是快乐，可以是伤心。有些旋律，已经和某些事物划成等号了。

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今天看回自己的BLOG,发现我在上面那段文字逗留了很久。当时的感觉，决计寻不回了。好可惜。。。白白浪费了这么好的一个标题《如山岗上。。。那静静的弯月》。

那我该说什么呢。。。？？？

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没想到。。。过了这么久，我还是在一个雨后的凌晨，才有心情把这篇搁了很久的心情写完。

今天有个朋友的心情很不好。她非常不喜欢现在的读书环境，更不喜欢被逼和家里相隔一个南中国海的大学去深造。总是在她最不开心的时候，我都会为她解忧。这次，没有例外。电话的另一端，她哭了。她哭，让我心酸，让我心疼，让我不知所措。她在哪儿的孤单，的寂寞，的压力，都让表面坚强的她变得比原来更脆弱。

想哭，就哭吧。想找人分忧，我会是你最好的听众。只要你不要我唱歌，不要问我一些怪怪的问题。。。就好了。长大了，你要学会坚强，学会适应，更要学会在平凡中找寻一点点的快乐。当其他人都不理睬你，你要学会更独立面对一切。世界上不幸的人太多了。见到了他们，我们会觉得自己真的很幸运。你要学会一个人的幸福快乐和自由。记得，远方还有我这位朋友，默默为你献上祝福。 (25/8/2006)

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凌晨5时35分，在赛城cyberia 六楼公寓往露台外的所感受的宁静，的凉意，看来只有还没睡得我，和隔壁家的刚起床不久的慧娟可以体会。

我告诉她：“这么美好的清晨，那么的宁静，那么的凉爽，那么的迷人，我好不舍得睡。”
她说：“对，今晚很凉, 很舒服。”
然后我说我想找人分享这个宁静，但又让人会心一笑得时刻，所以msg她。
接着我给了她988 的online streaming 网址，与她分享一首首动听的歌曲。
然后我们谈到朋友，与友谊的未来。
接着她想我要了我的部落格网址，去看个究竟。

慧娟是我少见，非常独立有个人思想的女强人！但又不失女孩该有的温柔。是个我佩服的女生。
我想我们会在YM网里谈的很愉快~

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一首首的旧歌，把回忆与感觉都推到与时代脱了节的时代，当你我都还年少，都有许许多多的青春去挥霍。那些青涩时代。。。都离你我越来越远。但回忆起来，总是那么靠近，那么遥远。许多的遗憾，但也有许多的疯狂事迹。种种奇奇怪怪的想法和玩法，都为那个年代披上了美丽的彩虹衣裳。那么灿烂，那么有活力！

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星光依旧灿烂，人心依旧没有改变。有了泪和汗，才能彼此承诺彼此。曾经惆怅的回顾，曾经辛酸的祝福，都在由岁月里写下一页，永恒的故事！

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隐约听见远处回教堂早朝的诵经，已经接近6点了。双眼已经撑不住了。美好的凌晨，也会在曙光的照耀下，失去原有的神秘与宁静。迎接的是一个朝气蓬勃的骄阳。

期待我一觉醒来，可以有一个精神爽朗的一天，哼着歌儿，把还未完成的功课都做好。

^_^

朋友们，大家齐齐加油！

How To Make A ME... HoHoHo... ^o^

2006-06-06T15:00:00.000+08:00

How to make a Yap Ming Wei

Ingredients:
5 parts pride
3 parts humour
3 parts leadership

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability

总是这么凌乱，这么杂乱无章，这么乱七八糟。。。

2006-05-08T03:12:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i felt tat...whenever there is a moment of HAPPINESS for myself, there would be a thousand more moments of confusion, of sadness, of dissapointment waiting for me ahead. Just in a blink of eye, the situation changes， changes too...drastically!

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好比电影里令人发闷无聊的剧情。。。这种荒谬的事情居然一次又一次戏剧性。。。不对，是电影般的发生在我身上。一次一次折磨着渐渐乏力，无力抵挡的我。凶狠海浪，无情的冲击着毫无还手能力的堤岸。即将决堤了，快撑不住了。一次又一次的冲击，已经把我的忍耐力，抵抗力重重的考验了又考验，反反复复。

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要打一场完全没有把握的仗，就是打一场败仗！需要得不单是勇气，还要一种视死如归的坚决信念，不怕牺牲，但求一搏的决心。只要没有败下，就算胜利。我完全不想打一场这样的仗。但是，我所面对的，往往就是逼着我去战，去打。就算四面楚歌，就算一人拼命，就算战死沙场。我只有两个选择。选择若干年后后悔没有尽全力去打过一场漂亮的败仗，或是不管生死就去杀对方个措手不及。有多少杀多少，不死当赢! 过去的战役，总像噩梦般困扰着我，都不曾胜利过。没输的，都来个遍体鳞伤，体无完肤收场。感觉不知是胆怯，而且还是厌恶！不想再被命运玩弄于鼓掌。

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请你不要再问，不要再叫我这么做。我不想听这些话从你嘴中说出来。好比千万根刺，刺进我心坎。不要再问，不要再告诉我该怎么做。该怎么做我不太懂，但也不想由你来告诉我。

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(Use Hokkien)
我不是好子，嘛不是歹人，我只是爱眠梦。。。
我不愿随浪随风，飘浪西东，亲像船无港。
我不愿做人，奸巧钻缝甘，愿来作憨人！
看到满天全金条，要煞无半项，环境来戏弄！
背景无够强，天才无够弄，逐项是拢输人！！！
只好看破这虚华，不怕路歹行，不怕大雨淋！
心上一字敢，面对我的梦，甘愿来作憨人！
-摘自--《五月天-憨人》部分歌词-

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一个翻身，一个假动作，骗过防守，再来一个飞身灌篮！

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想着自己得好，一直努力找一些自己的优点来安慰自己。为自己的信心注入一些鼓励。不太奏效。考试将近才来胡思乱想，并不是一件好事。

XXX XXX XXX XXX

还有音乐，还好有我喜欢的Slow Rock, Alternative Rock 和Rock。在这样的夜里，吉他的过门独奏令我宁静，令我逻辑思考，令我。。。忘却不太开心的事。以Minor Chord作为开始的歌曲，都给人一种悲壮，或悲伤的感觉。这就是Minor的魔力。听着听着，我想什么都不想写，只想去整理思绪。

XXX XXX XXX XXX

好奇心并不是件好事。有时反而是让你陷入万劫不复之地的祸首！事事求证，凡事明察秋毫，也不见得肯定会在真相大白后，让你带来满足与快乐。有时结果就算在预料中，也会让一个人乱七八糟。真的，有些事情，迷迷糊糊反而比较快了。难得糊涂！

XXX XXX XXX XXX

凌晨4点半，该睡了。丰富的夜宵，并没有带给我想象中的满足愉快了。或许，知足就好，不该刻意要求这么多。

XXX XXX XXX XXX

有个愿望，让我选择性的把所有这些记忆遗忘。让我醒来后，还是我，还是2006年1月1号的我。

哇！！！现在Winamp里有一首动力火车的歌曲，好听！！！快而摇滚！赞！！！不懂什么歌名。不要紧。

XXX XXX XXX XXX

公平，可以吗？为什么总是不成功？

-END-

一大早有几首歌，让我快乐让我微笑！！！

2006-05-02T11:04:00.000+08:00

第一首，《笑红尘》，陈淑华早期的作品，十分动听。注意歌词，这样的词很久没有出现在歌曲里了。SuperSuper 超级棒超级有意思！与大家分享！

《笑红尘》
歌手：陈淑桦专辑：爱的进行式
红尘多可笑痴情最无聊目空一切也好
此生未了心却已无所扰只想换得半世逍遥
醒时对人笑梦中全忘掉叹天黑得太早
来生难料爱恨一笔勾销对酒当歌我只愿开心到老

风再冷不想逃花再美也不想要任我飘摇
天越高心越小不问因果有多少独自醉倒
今天哭明天笑不求有人能明了一身骄傲
歌在唱舞在跳长夜漫漫不觉晓将快乐寻找

第二首，有小虎队早期的作品，《庸人自扰》是也！！！想起都想轻轻哼几句。。。一生有几回年少，又何苦庸人自扰~

《庸人自扰》
歌手：小虎队专辑：庸人自扰
爱不爱都受煎熬同林鸟飞远了谁不想暮暮朝朝
真心换来伤心爱恨一肩挑牙关紧咬
人生如粗饭劣肴心中骂嘴里嚼谁不想快活到老
茫茫人海渺渺真情那里找岁月又不轻饶

一生得几回年少又何苦庸人自扰
斩不断情丝难了
爱人不见了清醒还要趁早
乱麻要快刀
一生得几回年少倦鸟终归要回巢
红尘路走过几遭
花开又花落世事难预料
笑一笑往事随风飘

接下来，有来自一套连续剧的主题歌，有梁汉文的声音, 《万里阳光》！

《万里阳光》(粤)
歌手：梁汉文
专辑:我最喜爱的翡翠金曲香港tvb剧集刑事侦辑档案Ⅳ主题曲

悬疑地张望狐惑地窥看
追踪心中那曙光
似片片白雾甚迷茫围住了
彷佛只有欺诈推搪
明白我一松手一分鲁莽
我便错失阳光
信念和爱不可稍摇晃
怀着道理坚决向前闯

困过后情更放
爱若囚在眼中更激荡
他朝会更风光
凭着爱念融化这道墙
任我奔放
(热爱在发光热爱像片火光)(热爱在发光热爱像片火光)

冷过后情更烫那
用藏在暗黑里偷望
摔开前尘以往
流露每份人性真情
让每天开朗如阳光
(热爱在发光热爱像片火光向你勇往)
如阳光
(热爱在发光热爱像片火光)
***the end***

还有。。。郭富城，《强》！好听！轻快明确的节奏！

《强》
歌手：郭富城专辑：纯真传说

需跨多少个山漫漫长路与海
方可真正觅到心里精彩
需经多少次哀几多的障碍赛
才胜利会换来
不知几番跌倒旁人斜视喝采
很不好过但我冲剌不改
只因心中记紧当天可敬父亲
说信我会精彩强

人是你能飞天遁地
其实你了不起
假使你永不说不能做到

强人是你能顶天立地
如败倒再挣起永没言死
才是活着的真理

***
曾垂头万次仍抬头又次
再战再创这生意义
毋忘慈父那从前留下句子

最后（其实还有很多，但今天就分享到这里），我们有赵传的《快乐似神仙》。有李宗盛这位巨人为他操刀包办词曲，刚阳味比较重。但吉他solo简单好听，棒！加上赵传的声音，绝对是绝佳的配搭！这首歌其实是一套连续剧的插曲，但我忘了是哪套。有谁记得，请转告我~

《快乐似神仙》
歌手：赵传专辑：约定词曲:李宗盛

朋友们好久不见我们相约今天
一起笑看冷暖人间
富贵如云烟沧海已变桑田
只有甜言蜜语还留在耳

边每次想到明天每次回首从前
总是让人感慨万千
止不住的思念挽不回的改变
早知道当初多赚点钱

爱真假难辨情怎么考验
最好是睁一只眼闭一只眼
爱不必缠绵情不求永远
不怕心上人会移情别恋
爱真假难辨情怎么考验
最好是睁一只眼闭一只眼
爱不必缠绵情不求永远
不怕心上人会移情别恋
爱的世界里好似神仙
yeah!!!

十秒钟，失去自己，凌乱的想法！

2006-04-19T21:14:00.000+08:00

我近来常去打球。。。因为，我要瘦一点。因为我知道有她每天都在运动，我。。。我太胖了。
我近来有的没的都爱拿起吉他练习一些新东西，因为我知道她的音乐水准很高很高，就算我不能达到那水准，至少为自己增值少少。
我近来常常看着YM里的名字，看看她是否有把心情写在status里，看看她是否有空，可以谈天或是什么的。。。
我近来还真是有很多的想法在脑海里。。。但。。。重现在开始，我不想再想了。

我好像是为了要讨好她，而令自己进步。但这种想法是错的。进步，不是为了别人。而是为了自己。

几个月前，我不小心喜欢上了一个我觉得真的是非常棒的女生。她笑起来很可爱。而且，谈的一手很好很好的钢琴。为人有十分善良。对她的爱慕指数简直就是在顷刻间飙升到最高点。爱看她笑，因为她的一个笑，可以让我一整天都快乐起来，觉得世界很美好。她的一个笑，却是我快乐的理由。爱看她弹钢琴，那种神韵，那种表情，十分可爱，十分投入，十分有气质。

很可惜，这种单纯的爱慕感觉并没有维持很久。

曾几何时开始，慢慢的我很想更了解她。刻意找机会约她出来（虽然没有成功过），刻意出席某些她会出席的活动。。。为的，只是想见到她。在学校走着走着，总希望可以看见她的倩影。。。有时觉得，一切可能太刻意了。太做作，太有目的了。好像失去了那单纯的感觉。好像要骗人似的。单纯的爱慕，却变质了。变得像要拥有，占有。

刚才，我在十秒钟内做了两个决定。当我知道她在聚会，我简直就想飞奔过去。。。我立刻打电话给锦辉，要他帮个忙载我过去。但，在盖下电话后，我立刻后悔自己的决定。为什么我明明自己不得空，需要准备明天的lab，但为了她我要去。。。？？？太做作了吧？我不清楚。我只觉得这样好象失去自己。没有人会喜欢或看得起一个没有自我的人。我相信她也是。做不回自己，要如何让别人看得起眼？

或许我的想法有错。或许当你想要更深入了解一个人，你就该做些牺牲，花些时间去了解，去参与一些她也参与的事情，做一些她平时也爱做的事情。但是，怎的我左想右想都觉得不妥？怎么不妥，我却说不出来。。。

那十秒钟，我从非常冲动决定要过去，到我再次举起电话个锦辉说我不去，也不过是短短的十秒。变化却是如此两极。那十秒，我失去自我。。。

过后我在懊恼，不明白为什么如此犹豫不决，如此拖泥带水。到底是什么让我这么不潇洒，这么不果断。到底我自己想要什么？

不晓得。我只想。。。可以和她多聊些，多了解彼此。这样其实也很难。我都有一个超级大毛病。我的Timing是出了名的差。总是在不对的时候做了些不对的事。

唉。。。~~~怎办，快要大考了。这回过不过得了关都成问题。真糟糕！怎的又让自己跌入一个这么难堪的状况？要专心啊。。。专心！

有人说过，专心的男人最帅。。。

我说。。。提升自己，让自己进步，为自己进步。
因为，有人说过，男人一定要有上进心，才像个男人。
我却是轻佻浮夸之徒。。。没有一点成熟和稳重（体重不算）
有人说过，男人要成熟稳重有上进心有大志，才像个男人。没有钱不要紧，但不能没有志气。。。
怎么那么多“有人说过“。。。？？？

这篇心情看来很Desperate，我不想再写下去。我要睡觉了。
我不是Desperate。我是Confused...
我怎么在为自己找excuse...???

-end-

Long time....its been really Long Time....

2006-04-07T03:38:00.000+08:00

Its been really a long time since the last time i wrote something related to myself here in my BLOG. i started writting when few does, and stop for long when everyone is doin it. I got the Ego...don't felt like doin wat everyone is doin. Trying to be outstanding, be unique. Its hard. Really hard....

I looked back at the blogs i wrote few months ago.... surprisingly knowing how patience i am, sitting infront of the computer just typing a blog tat is like wat...700 words long or more... now, i am so lazy tat, even no0w i am typing wit my eyes closed. Partly, of course is bcoz i am sleepy d. That is when my mind start thinking of stuff... b4 i sleep.

Winamp now playing songs from the 80s and 90s, a chinese band call "You Ke Li Lin"... call me lame, but late nites...i do like to listen to their songs. Just like once in a while, i like to listen to Lighthouse Family's Songs. Their songs just can suit ur mood in the middle of a cozzy, lonely calm nite.

Actually, theres alot tat i wanted to write tonite. But this blog should b something tat is... viewable, readable to others. And wat i wanted to write...might b something tat is not so suitable for everyone to read. I wanted to make some promises to myself, and to all the readers tat happen to read my blog. But, i am afraid ppl will say i only tok crap...or... just giving some empty promises here. So, its better if i just keep my mouth shut here......??? i am not sur.
Just felt like wana write somethign here, since recently, everyone is writting something...

Ok lo...tats all. I hav no idea wat i had writen. Pls forgive me.

Peace up!!

直到世界的尽头

2006-03-29T20:47:00.000+08:00

Ｓｌａｍ　Ｄｕｎｋ　ＯＳＴ

直到世界的尽头

(罗马注音/对照中文版)

(中文翻译参照メ莜の云めチ制作)

虽然这首歌不是我写的，但我答应你，不久的将来，我会有一首歌，特别为你而写~！

特别点给一个对音乐非常执著，对弹钢琴十分内行，
作曲十分独特，十分可爱，
十分勤劳十分善良的女孩。
想告诉你，我很喜欢你！！！
[VERSE]

DA I TO KA I NI 在这个城市里,

BO KU WA MOU HI TO RI DE 我一个人独自徘徊。

NA GE SU TE RA RE TA 就好像空罐头，

A KI KA N NO YOU DA 被抛弃在大街旁。

TA GA I NO SU BE TE WO 从很久很久以前，

SHI RI TSU KU SU MA DE GA 你我都互相了解。

A I NA RA BA 如果真有爱，

I SSO TO WA NI NE MU ROU KA 就和我一起消失吧。

[CHORUS]

SE KA I GA O WA RU MADEWA一直到这个世界的尽头，

HA NA RE RU KO KO MO NAI 我也不愿意和你分开。

SOU NE GA TTE-ITA 无数个不眠的夜晚，

I KU SE N NO YO RU TO 我一直这样的企盼。

MO DO RA NA I TO KI DA KE GA 为何你的身影如此弥漫

NA ZE KA GA YA I TE WA 在我脑海婉转不散，

YA TSU RE KI TTA 我却无法回忆，

KO KO RO MA DE MO KO WA SU 曾经承诺永远在一起

HA KA NA KI O MO I 让心再次地破碎，

KO NO TRA GE DY NIGHT 在这悲惨的夜里。

[VERSE]

SO XI TE HE TO WA 用尽所有时间，

KO TA EI WO MO TO ME TE 找寻无聊的答案。

KA KE GA EI NO NE 不知道失去了，

NA MO KA WO WU XI NA WU 最美好的一段回忆。

YU KU BO DA RA KE NO 在这空旷街道上，

MA XI JA YO ZO RA NO 充满无尽的欲望。

HO XI KU ZU MO 满天的星星，

MO KU LA WO TO MO SE NE 都是我对你的思念。

[CHORUS]

SE KA YI GA O WA RU MA EI NI 请你在这世界终结之前，

KI KA SA TE O KU RE YO 最后再告诉我一遍，

MA MU KA YI NO HA NA GA 我和你曾今在一起，

NI A YI NO KA TA SU TO RO FI 你会永远记在心里。

DA LE MO GA NO ZO MI NA GA RA 为何在这世界终结之前，

E YI E WO XI MU JI NE 还不相信真爱会永远。

NA NO NI KI....TO 我却依然坚信，

A XI TA WO YO ME MI TE RU 如果还存在一个明天，

HA KA NA KI HI BI TO 一定是这个夜晚

KO NO TRA GE DY NIGHT 在我梦里出现。

[SOLO]

SE KA I GA O WA RU MA DE WA 一直到这个世界的尽头，

HA NA RE RU KO KO MO NAI 我也不愿意和你分开。

SOU NE GA TTE-ITA 无数个不眠的夜晚，

I KU SE N NO YO RU TO 我一直这样的企盼。

MO DO RA NA I TO KI DA KE GA 为何你的身影如此弥漫

NA ZE KA GA YA I TE WA 在我脑海婉转不散，

YA TSU RE KI TTA 我却无法回忆，

KO KO RO MA DE MO KO WA SU 曾今承诺永远在一起

HA KA NA KI O MO I 让心再次地破碎，

KO NO TRA GE DY NIGHT 在这悲惨的夜里。

KO NO TRA GE DY NIGHT 在这悲惨的夜里

Losers...That's Me

2005-10-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

Well...Speaking of losers... lets c wat hav i done for this semester.
1st, i wanted to score a gpa of 3.0 and above. now... i got 2 fail subject in hand alreaedy. Wats the purpose of setting a target anyway, when i couldn't even keep a promise to myself!!!

2nd, eversince back from the 2 week sick leave this semester... i am totally out of the study situation. The mood, the stamina, the energy...everything seem so not in form! Even my finals, i did not do well. I am not sad. I am just dissapointed. The spirit i once owned last semester... had long gone. My exam is doomed. The same goes for my future in MMU. But somehow there's a voice in me, keep tellin me...keep dragging me up from being so failure. This voice keep telling me... "dont loose now... no matter how, just go for it...there's stil a 2nd chance...SUPP Paper!!! must score for it...!!! "etc etc.

3rd, this semester, i lost a final hope on some1. The very final last bit of hope, has been burried ---death!!! And will never see the sun again! He and she...was together. And all the while i was like a fool...

Just now... i walked alone at the boulevard of cyberia to the restaurant to have my lunch. And i was thinking... all this time, i wanted to be special. I always think that i am unique in my very own way. I am the alternative, minority...in fact, i always think that i dont need to follow the crowd, for i hav my own way of leaving, my own style...own charmed. But this wasn't somehting tat i desire no more. I can't imagine the day, when all my frens graduate... the graduation...it should be great. And i am just a visitor... to them. Never knowing...my only and most desired hope, was to grad wit them together. And now, there's only me, alone. Friends do joke at me, sayin some funny stuff bout me... sometimes, i just smile. God knows... how sour it is to hear those jokes...

This is how a loser should be.

BRAIN - if some1 smart and wise, and clever and had a real amazing grade in academic is consider brilliant, so call "have brain", then i can be catogorized as the "Brainless" clan. Exam worst, slow learning process, and always stomach ache. Damn...!!!

SPORT POWER - I am not tall enuf to be outstanding, and i am fat. Clumsy and Fat, Tall but not Outstanding. I give no pressure when i am under the basket ... my rebound is not good, and i am SLOW...My stamina is as little as a 3 yearold kid hav. And i hav a big tummy tat can even hav WAVE effect... GOSH!!!

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE - I look some wat kiddy, chubby. Totally not matured. I wanted to be happy always, sunshine guy, wit a sunshine smile. But i cant'. SOmetimes some situation just makes ppl DOWN. i wanted to act cool, but hey..Look at my face... ppl ask me why am i so sad...when i am very angry!!! Oh My!!! DUe to the fat body, i hav a very limited choice in dressing up myself. My style is just..normal and..HIP HOP
well.... just v.v.v.v.v.v. basic hip hops...

MONEY - I dun hav much of that. Infact, i am lack of this thing. And my dad is lack of it too.... and tat leads to the lackage of money in my whole family. Too bad... and this leads to...
-no car
-no credit card
-no Altec Lansing or Philips or Logitech or Creative Speakers.
-no clubbing
-no mp3 player
-no Airjordan 20
-no new hp
-many many more

I am jealous. Some ppl can hav a dad, so rich offering them wat they want, even air ticket to go over to some rural place just to seek for a gal. Others... changes handphones... like eating POTATO CHIPS (y this potato chip???)

Hey y am i requesting so many things...wat hav i gave ?? wat hav i contribute to my family?to my parents? to the world???
I really shouldnt be asking so much. but i am in a low mood now...!!! i just wana write and write and write...wat i want!!!
This holiday..
i am goin to do this... even though i know i will end up doin nothing
i stil wana tell everyone my plan.

Everyday, study for supp, 3 subject (rough estimation)
Everyday Jogging.
Everyday Piano Practicing...
Everyday Crap... Everyday Be a GooD Me!!!

i am tired. i am lazy. my eyes cant stand anymore. its 2.35pm, a very beautiful and windy tuesday afternoon, 4/10/05. Remember this moment, i am writting this stupid blog...wit my stupid thoughts...of course its stupid. coz i am a LOSER!!!~~~ yeah~~~ !!!!

I wil not be like that anymore.
I wil be a better me... in times to come. i promise.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, Bro and Sis, really sorry i let u all down this time in this exam.
Its been long since the last time i make u all proud. Hopefully i will make u all proud in times to come.

Sorry my frens, u guys r really unfortunate to hav me as ur frens...thanks for your love, your patience and forgivenest.

Sorry MMU, u really earn alot of my money due to too many retake subject. Sorry to say, i dislike money education.

Sorry myself. I will change. I will...

想。

2005-09-11T02:09:00.000+08:00

刚看过TV1 的电影， >. 十分感人，动人，发人深思。打了一通不该打的电话，给一个不该给的人，谈了一些我自己也不清楚是否真实的话题。

撇开讲，先讲讲自己。近来，黑夜白昼颠倒，生活十分混乱。总觉得。。。人人在进步，自己原地踏步。讲讲篮球，热爱它，却无法享受它。一个人的球，打不出什么精彩。为什么我的同伴都不在？他们在那里？为什么我会是只身上阵？？？一起打球的球友，哪去了？在图书馆。。。那熟悉，又陌生，让我又爱又恨的地方。。。来来往往的学者，有我认识的，也有不认识的。更有我几十年的佬友，好友，为什么我却总觉得孤单，为何我觉得孤身作战？？？朋友们一个小玩笑，在我听起来，十分刺耳。像无意间，把长剑穿心。。。流血不住。朋友的提醒，更让我觉得自己好象真的糟糕到这种地步，好象只有我，不懂考试将近。是否，我让大家觉得我，真的很爱玩，不爱读书，很堕落？？？妈的，是我自己敏感，还是我真的没用？或是我自己对自己真的没信心到这种严重的地步？我到底在搞什么？！！！总觉得，有一些人，报着“看你这此怎样死”的态度来看我。我不喜欢这种感觉。觉得被人看贬。不晓得是不是太太太太久没有尝过
赢的感觉，近来不怕输的我，渐渐变得怕输起来。

欺骗。。。有些事情，发生了，但我却傻傻的被人瞒骗过去，还有种被当是傻瓜的感觉。不谈那些，还有一个朋友，更糟，之前像极好朋友，现在讲电话却像应酬。。。我应酬她，她应酬我。口口声声说，就算以后怎样怎样，我还是会是她的最要好的朋友。。。为何这话对我来说，如此沉重，如此奇怪，如此不堪入耳。。。？？？是否有些疑问，在我心底，我应该摊开来问，或就让时间的巨轮把它冲淡，让我忘记？今晚后，我会决定是否问个明白。我是否该相信她所说的，然后就不当一回事？或我该私底下静悄悄的察。。。察出个结果，我又能怎样？？？

感谢现代科技进步，首首音乐MP3，帮我平伏我起伏不定的心情。慢慢。。。睡意渐浓。。。头也有些重。BLURBLUR。。。

人生，匆匆，忙忙碌碌，一晃数十哉。。。做足一世金钱的奴才，读书为了要好工作，好工为了赚钱，赚钱为了买洋房养藩狗。。。江山如此多娇，引无数英雄竟折腰。无论多么强横，多么伟大，多么神通广大，到头来双脚一直，入土为安。。。金钱，生不带来，死不带去。赢得英明万世。。。但人已死，富贵名利如浮云。。。一飘而过，毫无痕迹，毫无眷恋。那，我们在干吗？我不懂。道行不够，答不了。而今，只想做好本分，别让人瞧不起。再者，希望自己。。。更努力不懈，到了有钱有名，才去想，人生意义。最后，我还是放不下名利，俗得可以啊明伟！！！

世间有爱，人间有情，哪儿都是天堂。

一定要看> ,十分值得一看，然后慢慢想想。。。

与君喝一杯，同浇万古愁！！！

水云间

2005-08-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

水云间

歌手：童孔
演唱：童孔

把酒黄昏后醉卧水云间
彩云由我舞挥洒一片天
天空几万里云霞共翩翩

你是浮云我是霞
缠缠绵绵到天边
缠绵到天边……
踏遍红尘路结伴水云间
船儿载不动情深几万年
梦随流水远小河绕青山

你是青山我是河
缠缠绵绵到天边
缠绵到天边……

娶美女會短命

2005-08-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

耶魯大學研究發現: 娶美女會短命　　
想要娶個理想的老婆的男士們可要大傷腦筋了，美國耶魯大學的心理學研究所日前發表其研究成果說，娶個其貌不揚的老婆，可以讓丈夫多活幾年。

該研究所研究人員是將已經過世的三千五百一十九位己婚男性和他們的老婆為研究對象，做法是將這些研究對象女方的照片，交給大學生打分數，設定二十分為滿分，十四分為下限，十三分以下是他們認為相貌平庸者，結果發現妻子得分越高，丈夫壽命越短，平均算來，妻子得十四分以上的丈夫壽命，比妻子得十三分以下的丈夫壽命短十二年。　　

專家們究其原因，認為娶個嬌美的老婆固然賞心悅目，但相對的要付出相當的精神負擔，為了顧好美麗的妻子，有時疑神疑鬼心緒不寧，有時要放低姿態，有時妒火中燒，長期在患得患失的情況下，身體狀況也跟著出現問題；而長相不甚出色的女子普遍以德服人，丈夫不但因而心胸坦闊，穩固的家庭基礎也讓丈夫們無後顧之憂。

呵呵..各位帥哥們，要仔細考慮想長壽還是短命啊!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

不娶美女的理由

1、個人生命安全得不到保障。現在這個社會有精神疾病的人太多了，你娶了美女難免有人嫉妒，難免他會想不開，於是跟蹤你，趁你不注意用刀子劈你，用斧子砍你，用石頭砸你，為了自己的安全考慮，我決定不娶美女。

2、隱私得不到保障。美女本身就是焦點，往往會有些變態之徒以偷窺美女為樂。你一娶美女，哈哈，說不定哪天一拉窗簾，發現屋外站滿了人，真樂呵呵的看著你和她曾經發生和即將發生的事情。

3、尊嚴得不到保障。娶個醜女回家，大可對她發號施令，娶個美女就不同了，萬一她對我莞爾一笑，說：“今天你洗碗好不好？”我估計會渾身骨頭頓時只有一兩重，不顧男子漢的尊嚴，屁股顛顛的就到廚房去洗碗了。

4、擔驚受怕。娶個美女回家，就得擔心會不會有人跟自己搶啊，老婆會不會耐不住寂寞給自己頂綠顏色的帽子帶帶。娶個醜女就不同了。哪怕吵架也可大膽的說：“算了吧！也就只有我，有一顆人道主義救死扶傷心娶你啊？”

5、英雄難過美人關。老子不是英雄，用不著過！6、省的又有人哀嘆“又一朵鮮花插在牛糞了”。自古紅顏多薄命，算命的說我會活的很長，我不想過早鰥居。7、美女的開銷太大。就算她不要我開銷，我也會為她開銷。8、美女如果老了，會和年輕時的反差很大。醜女就不同了，年輕時和年老是一樣的！

--------------------

X-Japan - TEARS

2005-07-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

Tears
X-Japan
Dahlia

doko ni yukebaii anata to hanareteima wa sugisatta toki ni toi kakete
\nagasugita yuru ni tobi dachi wo yume mita
Ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoko wo dakishimete

* nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata no toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

LONELINESS, YOUR SILENT WHISPER
FILLS A RIVER OF TEARS THROUGH THE NIGHT
MEMORY, YOU NEVER LET ME CRY
AND YOU, YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE

SOMETIMES OUR TEARS BLINDED THE LOVE
WE LOST OUT DREAMS ALONG THE WAY
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRADE YOUR SOUL TO THE FATES
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE

TIME THROUGH THE RAIN HAS SET ME FREE
SANDS OF TIME WILL KEEP YOUR MEMORY
LOVE EVERLASTING FADES AWAY
ALIVE WITHIN YOUR BEATLESS HEART

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai kanashimi wo aoi-bara ni kaete
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

* repeat

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

if you could have told me everything
you would have found what love is
if you could have told me what was on your mind
I would have shown you the way
someday I'm gonna be older than you
I've never thought beyond that timeI
've never imagined the pictures of that life
for now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams
and forever with Tears

喜欢...爱...

2005-05-25T03:44:00.000+08:00

原来...一个人同时可以喜欢很多很多人。尤其是。。。当你发现有一个女生十分可爱，十分好玩，十分SPORTING OUTGOING。。。那真是太好了。近来，不晓得为什么，身边总不乏条件不错的女生。认识女生，绝对不怯场。同时，不晓得怎了，可以同时喜欢上几个女生。这是搞什么？？？哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！最后，我发现，原来，当你不爱一个人，可以喜欢很多人。。。
我们有<<人之初>>的CANDICE，有身高170cm好玩SPORTING的席琳，有天天一袭白衣白裙的GUARDIAN PHARMACY SALES GAL，还有。。。MMU 里的ML 等等等。。。

但，喜欢这么多人。。。真的可以舒解心中的孤单吗？当你在做PART TIME，同时又去喜欢人，每晚回到家，累到一倒在床上就弹动不得，那么，这是足够的。因为，上班时，看见、听见，所有所有，都围绕在那些你喜欢的，你欣赏的，甚至是你想，可能有机会发展的。但，你爱的那个该如何？？？

当你爱错，然后想要放弃，需要极大的勇气。。。要忘记她。。。更需要非常强的决心。不，该说是绝情。只有绝情，心死，才能完完全全的把一个人放下。至少，我是这么想。忙忙碌碌的日子，只是让人把心低最深处，那对某人深深的思念，的爱慕硬硬压抑着。用力地埋着。。。当有一天你不再忙，偷得浮生半日闲的夜里，夜阑人静时分，听着首首以情歌为主的音乐电台，是否有所感触，心底埋藏已久的感觉，会否如澎湃汹涌的海浪，冲击着脆弱得即将决堤的堤岸。。。？？？爱她那么一个不爱自己的人，怎会如此的折磨。

撇开爱别说，喜欢很多人，也是很过瘾。为什么？哈！当你无聊，那起手机，不想发短讯给一些天天见面的酒肉朋友，大可以打开你喜欢女生的名单，想想那个比较方便说这话题，或哪个比较适合这时间出来，或哪个你比较想深入交往，就短讯她。简单容易。又可以制造机会，相当不错哦。时日久了，若觉得哪个比较适合，还可以从名单中淘汰不想要再喜欢的，多好！多潇洒！别人或许当你是好朋友。。。但切记，男女间要有纯友谊，除非你把她当是你的同类，否则，太亲密在一起肯定出事。（纯属个人醉酒的看法）就是这样啊。。。所以，你可以和人很好，笑容超灿烂的CANDICE一起玩，或身材热火的席琳一起看戏，或去认识一个你完全不认识的GUARDIAN PHARMACY SALES GIRL。单身，喜欢，就是这么简单。

爱...就像爱她一样，一举一动，一眸一笑，就连最不经意脱口而出的几句废话...都把它当成圣经宝典，永记在心。为的，只是不想错过任何爱她的机会...不想让她有一丝被伤害的机会。但，她却不懂你对她这样...甚至还会忘记她曾经在你面前哭泣，在你面前毫无原因发脾气，或有过的一些甜蜜回忆。或许对她来说，完全只是一些普通的回忆，或许，根本把你当成是好朋友而已。爱一个人，不是错，没有错，更不该是被怪错的那一方。但，爱，是否值得？爱到自己已经无法自拔，没有价值，那...还爱来干什？"别再做情人，做只猫，做只狗不做情人，做只宠物至少可爱动人，和你不楸不睬最终只会沦为敌人... - 爱与诚 - "

心情没有悲伤，没有高兴。平静吧...满累了。
CANDICE？？席琳？？ML？？还比不上一个C...
但，还要看，你到底要喜欢人...还是爱...
因为，我脑里，已经好久没有C了...是吗？？？
哈，天晓得！
晚安。

－写于Popular Book Fair 结束的当天凌晨－

This is a msg courtesy of Guy B's BLOG

2004-12-13T02:42:00.000+08:00

quoted from guy B's blog
"Isit wat a gal said.....is always a lie? or..... do gals just like to tell lies to me? She told me that she enjoys her single life, she enjoy the freedom she had. She told me that she do not want to hav another relationship for this current moment...no, not so soon.

I really think that was just an excuse for her to refuse me. I really do think so. She state this phrase in somewhere.... wit a cartoon pic of a gal helding a guy's hand. The wordings are " hope sumday i can find sum1 dat cAn make me love him so much" . hmmm....

i went to find my fren werewolf to ask about it. he just listen. he is always a superb listener. in the mean time he gave me some good advice too... Once in a while, tat is.

Again, he said, when a gal say no to you, what she means is NO. u wanted to hav another shot and spend somemore time on the person, fine. But do not waste too much time. tats for sure."

Guy B...Gal A...

2004-12-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

Met wit Guy B today..... he told me something real strange. b4 this....he is after gal A, and... he actually had alot of plan for gal A... he showed me his handphone calender...so many plans for gal A. Book movie ticket for gal A... go movie wit gal A... buy this n tat for gal A.... gal A's arrival at airport... go out yam cha wit gal A....

But strange, guy B told me that he nv really carried out wat he planned for gal A. "Why?" i asked wit full curiousity. "i hav no idea", he said. he told me tat...its so easy for him to plan.but when it comes to carry it out..... he just aint motivated. he hav no idea why.

"mayb is because she rejected you before? " i said.
"mayb... but i really regret not doin those things for her... at least i should hav done more for her, she might hav different feeling towards me."

"when a gal say she had no feelings towards you... 90% confidence level, you can just let go and forget about it." i said.
"just hard for me..... its not that i am not letting go..... mayb.... because i am not satisfy....i jsut wanna try another time. but.....the other time was so damn hard for me to carry out. "

anyway...now guy B had already let gal A go... at least this is wat he always tell himself and tell me.

we human, sometimes, when the thing is not meant to be ours... no matter how hard we tried, it will stil go away. Just like sometimes, when soemthing is not ours, there's no use we force ourselves....or force the others to coupe with us. It will only make everyone even harder to breathe, even harder to be friends.

Don't know... days haven been real good for guy B... and the same goes for me. well, both of us, same heart, same soul. Mayb that's why we can be so close frens together. hahaha....

tonite, we hav a nice beer section.... in the balcony of my house. the beautiful starry sky is our companion, we talk, we crap and we drink till late nite, then we sleep under the dark starry sky, wit clouds as our blanket.......

Early Morning, 4 OclocK, wat am i doing?? i am thinking.

2004-12-05T04:15:00.000+08:00

2nd day after my 4 day 4 nite trip in Bangkok, Thailand. Now, sitting infront of my computer, i am thinking.... my memories flew through time.....

Jim told me just nw, he would leave banting sooner then he scheduled. he is leaving tml. so soon... after that, no more jim huay, no more my good old chu chu in banting. he wil b in bukit jalil. no more yam cha wit him d. no more morib wit him. no more swimming wit him. no more breakfast wit him, no more mee hun ke and yun tun mian wit him. no more fun time, no more cool time, no more sadtime to share to gether.

is this the way that our life suppose to be? frens aren't forever? we need to b seperated from each other, from our good old pal to live a new life? is tat wat we call..... Growing Up??

Bangkok trip was totally superb. but not in the mood to talk abuot it tonite. mayb some other times when i am more.... in mood.

tonite, gal A send sms to guy B. this is duno the 3rd time or 2nd time, she send sms to him for nothing. guy B was glad, even gal A n guy B cant b couple, at least once in a while, gal A remember, there is a guy B in the other part of the country. but, guy B just dont felt so happy after calling her. its like... theres stil many things, tat guy B wanted to share wit gal A, but.....always, gal A is so bz.... sometimes she is outside wit frens. sometimes she is outside wit ppl. if she were to b in the room, the line would b so unclear tat guy B can hardly listen to wat gal A said. n tat makes guy B refuse to talk longer. just now guy B called gal A, she was outside wit frens enjoying some beautiful nite view in the campus. guy B wanted to talk longer, but gal A said her phone batt was running low, and would end anytime. its like a poison knife stabbing into guy B, killing all his will to share his story wit gal A. gal A never knew, evenn guy B cant love her, she stil meant alot to guy B. at least,more then other gals to him.

gal A said she wil misscall him when she reached home, but she did not. just like usual. guy B was numb, though stil there is a little feelin. no one can b totally numb rite~~ guy B told me all about it. wat can i do? i am just a 3rd person in this. i can only b a good listener. guy B stuff...had been dragging for too long. his feeling to wards gal A is fading.... n fading... he got no more energy to love her. he is badly injured, hurt. welll, wat can i say, love sometimes just hurt ppl alot.

i am quite low tonite...at least at this moment i am. b4 this....its ok for me. but now.... really abit sad feeling, mayb bcoz of the song i am listening. mayb bcoz jim tell me he is leaving so soon. mayb, i am just too sensitive, thinking too much.

yes, i think i am....mayb thinking too much. hmmm......
its been long since the last time i wrote something in this blog. many things........sometimes i prefer to stick n keep to myself. but...even i wrote something here.... who wil b so kind to read all of it? haha....ppl wil just drop by, look at the title, then off they go.
just like me in ur life, u in my life, we are just a passenger in each other's life. it's just tat moment tat brought us together. the timing. after the timing is over, we will b heading for our own destiny seperately.
i once told eunice this. she had tears after she listen to it.

its bad, but its true. how many frenship can last forever?

think again... for example, ur grand mother, how many frens she hav now? how often u see her talking to her frens? where did all her best frens go?
its pitty, we r meant to b forgetful. we forget everything. a frenship... when left aside, after 1 year....2 years..... u stil remember. u wanted to call to recontact, but u just seem to bz....too lazy....too.... many excuses to not call. 3 years...4 years.... passed. in a coincident, u met wit him/her again, u took his/her phone number, promise to find someday out together n chit chat about the good old days.... but....another year passed. y u did not call, u urself cant tell y. then, another 5 years passed. u've been so bz, one day u remember tat fren of urs. u wanted to call. then only u realize that, the contact u hav 6 years ago...was no longer used by the fren of urs....

n eversince...u nv met wit him again. ........................

y we need to hav such regret? to make our life more meaningful? more beautiful but pittiful?
no...... its all about us. u think of a fren, if u wanna contact again, just go ahead. we don't hav too many another 2o years. we dont hav too many decades.....and we dont hav too any annual.

life is short. show the one u love....that u love them. that u care for them. tell them, let them know. don't just keep to urself.
tell ur frens...how much u like them, how much they meant to you. if u cant tell, write, just like me. write out. let everyone know. who knws, after a seperation, we might not see him/her again?

its so lucky....so coincident tat we can met wit the frens around us now. appreciate ... really. life is too short....too many things to complete in so limited time.

hmmm...i've been crapping too much tonite.
its so empty in me now. i felt so much like loving some1, but theres no one in my mind. i felt so much like missing some 1, but there isn't anyone there for me to miss. i wanted to share my adventure, my ups and downs wit some one that i can click wit, but there isnt anyone so suitable in my mind. i wanted to love some 1, but who?

my fren guy B used to hav a femal fren that can share all these things wit him. tat gal.... gal A. but after he started to express his feelin to gal A, somehow their relationship changed, and he can no longer tell her everything and b frank wit her d. y?? i hav no idea. while the gal felt their relationship is just normal n as they used to b, but guy B is feeling changes, mayb is bcoz he is too sensitive, mayb bcoz he is thinking too much. i cant tell, coz i am not experienced enough. but i sure can tell, guy B is a nice and good guy. at least i think he is. just tat....his timing is super bad. and tat makes all the different.

sleepy d... guess i should sleep...wit all these nice songs accompanying me.
nite, guy B, nite, gal A. nitez.. all my frens...my family....and some1 that i love.
u all meant so much to me, and u all help build up the me i am today. thank you~ love u all.

-_- ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.........

It's all about Dreams, Thoughts, and the Determination In Chasing Dreams...~~~!!!

2004-09-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

tonite, i had a great time together wit my frenz. Zhan wei, Jye Shyang, Kwong Choon and me, Banting's 4 most handsome guy, gathered together at Taxi Stand's 69 Cafe.... chatting about each other, about things, anything, almost everything.

and i can c, now... that all of us had grown, elder, more mature. macho guys~~ and all single, all handsome bachelors...hahaha~~~

well, its really a nice chat. zhan wei, talking about his experience of learning japanese, n his new university in tokyo, one of the super metropolice in the world. he is leaving... so soon. seems like yesterday, that he told me he is leaving for japan, and now, he is leaving in 18 days. gosh, time really flies.....

Jye Shyang, MMU FCM gamma year student, love the work he is doin alot. graduating in 1 and half year's time. nice guy, haha~~~

Kwong Choon...MMU FOE gamma year student, my housemate.

well basically we talk about alot of stuff. From gals, till a life of a bachelor, some memories of the past (which we always talk abbout during our yam cha session, which is about primary n secondary time),then we talk about olympics which just pass a few weeks, and talk about future stuff.

well, it seems that , each and everyone of us hav our own dreams and plans...
and its all about Dreams, our thoughts, and our determination in persueing our dreams.
we should hav dream. it seems like, our dream is so near, yet so far. and we r like, stil a distance apart with what we hope to achieve. well, that really is something that i should think it through. i wish, how i wish, that, each and all of my frens, could achieve what they wanted, and b successful. then, after 5 years, we had a gathering, and when we know each and everyone of us are stil good... how wonderful it is~~~

yeah...baby!!! Lets cheers,for our future, for our DREAM!!! Master the DREAM, Achieve IT!!!

boh-san....so i do stupid things!!! answer stupid qs~~

2004-09-07T04:51:00.000+08:00

Message: 1. what will u do if the person u like likes another girl/boy?kick her ass. burn house. kill the guy tat she likes. no. just joking. lame joke. i know.

2. Did u talk to the person u like before?no. the person i like is a wall. a car. no. a movie star. out of reach. tats y nv talk b4. no. just jk. lame joke. i know.

3. Would u wait for a girl/guy for 5 years that u once really like?my girl is now 13, stil 5 years to b officially aged for legal sex. siao. no. she now coma. doctor say 5 years only wake up. siao. she is sleeping beauty. wait 5 years for me to get the medicine to save her. crap. no. jz jk. no idea.might, mignt not.

4. would u fall in luv easily?i fall in love easy... i am play boy ma. i am rich ma, so can simply fall in love. i am handsome ma, so simply fall in love also ppl will love me.i am rich ma.i fall in love liao, i can buy wit money. siao. no.jz jk. i don't. i need to know in order the person to fall in love.

5. do u believe in love?no.i am devil.no love.i am crazy.don't know wat is love.i nv felt love.so i dont believe.i hate love, coz love don't love me.No.jz jk.i believe in love,faith,n myself.

6. what could u do if the guy/girl really don't like u..and u like him/her a lot ? kill and eat her.she forever b urs.kidnap her parents, force her to love u.threaten her.force her to marry you.even cannot get her heart, must get her body.no.jz joking.wat can i possibly do?b a stupid idiot n wish for her happiness.

7. what do u think is love?Love is so beautiful that words can't describe and it begins the moment two people infatuated humans come together in working out a relationship. It's a give n take situation.conclusion : love = a lil infatuation + a lot of like and acceptance + a load full of hardwork in making the relationship work. (don't know.so i just kept alicia's defination here.)

8. do u have any confidence in luv?nv love.how to know.duno.

9. are u scared of being rejected? nonono. coz my face is 10km thick.nonono coz i dun hav a face.nonono coz i hav no fear. no.jz jk.wat do u think?idiot!!!no one likes to be rejected.i scared.very scared.

10. do u think relationships can last long?no.coz we r house fly.hav 7 day life only. no.coz the world is gonna explode in 2 days. no. coz a nuke war is gonna start n all human beaing is gonna die within the next 24 hours. no.coz big UFO from Terrorist is gonna bang the earth n eliminate all living species. no. jz jk. if can, would love to last forever.

She's got someone on her TaiL!!!

2004-09-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

c...
i knew it. its almost a sure that some one so gorgeous beautiful like gal A would hav some one on her "tail" so fast. i just knew it. an angel like her, if there isn't any one on her Tail, this is not a proper world dude. Look, for eg, MMu gals...many of them... normal look, normal gal's attitude... as normal as they are, they could get someone behind their tail, or even together wit them within 2 ,3 weeks...so fast...so instance.

as for gal A... so nice, so great personality, gorgeous charming and beautiful, and sporting, if there ain't anyone on her tail, tat would b the biggest himiliation.

and so, no surprise at all, gal A's fren confirm wit guy B, and he told me that there was indeed, someone on her Tail,bz courting her, trying to get her. As for a guy B who used to take her as the precious in hand, no more. no more of romance fantasy, no dissapointment either. Numb is the word to describe guy B... too much hope and dissapointment, he'd already learnt to kill the feelins. Good for gal A to get some 1...easier for guy B to felt relief and.. let the numb b forever.

well, at least now guy B knew, and i am glad that guy B is more numb then ever. yes, he felt not so happy...... for the result but he is ok wit it. i think guy B is more mature now to think of a better way to treat himself. and as for gal A...guy B givs his blessing and wishes to her.

and after that, guy B live a better life of his own, a bachelor's life, free, free and stil free.

so, finally.... guy B knew... gal A knew, and i know, that some1 is on gal A's tail, chasing her, courting her, tryin to make her his GF.... guy B, NUMB; me, just smile abit.

She's got someone on her TaiL~!!!

Bye Bye Old Feel...Aloha to NeW!!!

2004-08-30T15:20:00.000+08:00

Bye bye the old feel... aloha to the new one. 16/8, a sunny day. in campus, b4 i ate the delicious nasi goreng kebab wit mango ice blended juice, i settle something tat i should hav settled a long time ago. and thought i knew the answer would b negetive... but i am stil willing to hurt myself for the very last time.

And yeah i did. and the answer was negetive. and so, i headed back for my delicious nasi goreng kebab, n stated to eat like a hungry wolf. eversince, i did not do anything that makes me thhink of it anmore.

Its been almost 2 weeks. seems along time. nv think, nv contact, nothing done. and i felt, can say great too. nothing much, except i do more stuff for myself. and i occupied more time moving around, exercising around. basketball bcome my 1 and only lover...wah...shiok man!!! wit my new addidas...i fly on the court. only, i am lack of energy and stamina d. cham....tooo fat and old d.

and so, i am bachelor... likes basketball, starting to love exam, and hate the days after exam. i like the pressure d. starting to kill time by writting stupid blogs...hahaha.
yeah...

now...me is stil me.... blii blii blaa blaa crap crap crap.
we wang wang wang wang weee weee wang wang wang.....
muahahahahhaaha~~~~~new feel
my own feel~~~

Olympics...The Spirit Of Mankind For Peace, Friendship, and Sportsmanship. LoVe It!!!

2004-08-30T15:03:00.000+08:00

When it all started, I was in the middle of a preparation of a war. The war of fire for me…flamed so fiercely, just like the fire ob of the Olympics. That night, 1 something in the morning, I was watching the opening of Olympics, through the small tv in condo. Neighbors came over to join the celebration. That was a night I slept around 3 something. While the opening of Olympics still carrying out in Athens, Greece 2004. And so, it all started…started…and the war for me to my Olympic game – the MMU Finals.

And now, I was at home. The fight for MMU Finals, had already gone for 3 days. In front of me, TV showing live broadcast of the closing of Athens 2004. Every time I watch at the opening, the games, and the closing of Olympics, I felt totally great. Totally proud, totally touch. The crowd… the cheers… the sad, the happiness, the fall, the raise, the glory, the success…. And so on…and so on…..

Every time, I wanted to feel…how the athletes felt, when they are on the prize stage, and 72k of ppl in the stadium, cheering, applause for them. When you are at this kind of places, it doesn’t really matter if u loose or wins. What matters the most, is the honor… of being cheered by 72k people. Win or loose shows no big matters no more. For the spirits, the proud of representing the country, standing in the eyes of the world. I would hav cried if I am in such situation. Tears would hav drop without me knowing. Wat an honor, wat a great memory, a highest honor. And the spirit of the games… the Olympic games… For our earth’s peace, friendship, sportsmanship, and GloRy!!! MoMents of Glory!!! Oh gosh!!! Can you felt that…??? Can you imagine!!! I am imagining. How beautiful…how wonderful…!!! And the Fire of Olympic…Shows the spirit of the Olympics will never die.

3.44am Malaysia time, the flame in Athens 2004 is about to be put off…but the spirit will not end here. 4 years later, in Beijing, the proud of Chinese, the proud of all Chinese, and China. We know….the great eastern dragon had awaken… Athens 2004, china won 32 gold medals, a few medals behind USA. Russia no. 3. China, stepping towards its success~~~ internationally….globally!!!

Look at that amazing structure of the stadium, the crowd of it…. All the flashes due to the cameras’ flashes…Oh…the flame was “blown” off by a little Greece girl. Next time we c it, it will b in Beijing’s Olympic Stadium. Yeah!!! Oh gosh…the fireworks…. Wonderful!!! Awesome!!! Beautiful!!! Wit beautiful musics sung by beautiful singers. Gosh….totally awesome!!! Dance….Dance….and never let it stop!!! Fireworks…boom….boom…and nv stop!!! Let this memorable, beautiful, glamour moment stop and et history not to be forgotten!!! It’s a super big party happening!!! Muahahaha!!!! Muahahaha!!!!

4.45am Malaysian time…Olympics ended for 2004 Athens…finally it comes to an end. But, we look forward for 2008 in Beijing China, where the spirit, the glory and the pride of human once shine again in grace. 2008 Beijing, we look forward to u!!! YeaH!!!

Once more addition b4 I stop this blog of mine… One of my dream for my near future was to go for the Olympics for Beijing 2008 and witness the history of mankind for the very 1st time of my life. Hopefully It could b carried out~~~ any one interested to join me?? Let’s go together…~~ hahaha..!!!

Bad Tempered...

2004-07-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

Today...back from cyberjaya MMU, reach home around 9.15pm after havin dinner wit jim n miao.
hmm...i hav no idea y i am so bad tempered. Mayb pressure...mayb, i cant get wat i wanted. i hav no idea.
i just felt totally v.v.v. bad, v.v. angry, v.v. frustrated. its like...everything is not under my control anymore. its like, i am capable of doin nothing good no more. i suck like shit. tats wat i felt.
Confidence in me just com

e and go. and i hav no idea why is that happening. wat hav i done wrong? that make me...such a loser recently? i dont understand wat the lecturer is lecturing during lecture classes, and i hav no idea wat will i get for the coming final. v.v. scared of it. if i ever to fail again, gosh, i dare not think wat will happen to me.

Lost of motivation and Target.... AGAIN!!! hav no idea wat am i doin, its like...i am letting myself go again... i am letting myself stepping deeper and deeper into a quicksand... nv gonna c the sunlight again...no more. bye bye.

How come this is happening? it really scares me... but, there wasn't any determination or dignity to change. wat happen to me? wat happen? i always look forward to ppl who live a real good life, rich spiritually, mentally. i look forward to ppl who went overseas...study, experience a total different culture, total different life. and come back to tell the tale.

There are sometimes, somethings tat i wanted to do, that i cant' do. No example given, i kept it to myself. just that, there r something, that i wanted so hardly, n GOD DAMNIT i just cant get it. and there r ppl who, wanted something, and they get it. Just as simple as easy as that. Some that money can buy...which i DAMNIT dun hav. some...money cant buy... which i am ok coz its...faith. Hell!!! since when i believe in such stupid thing!! faith....arrr!!!

Y... y i am held back to do something by so many factors?? y can t i...just dun giv a damn on those stupid stuff and just do the things i wanted to do sometimes??
what hav i done wrong?? i did not kill anyone. i did not robbed anyone. i am a good guy.....er...lets let other to judge it.

but, i really hope, someday, i can do somethign like my heart tells...freely, and can success in something that i do. its been....... so so so long time, since the time i taste the sweetness of....SUCCESS....real long time. i miss that feelin so so much. ARR DAMNIT!!!
when will that sweetness b tasted again...??
when??
tell me...tell me.....

P/S: special apology to my parents and my younger brother, for, my bad tempered, and rude attitude just now. Was too underpressure.

Morning Worst... Noon Ok... Evening Just Smillin Away.

2004-07-19T18:42:00.000+08:00

Today...this day....this morning!!! Arrrrhhh!!! i woke up late, 20 minutes late for CK2 lab. oh gosh!!! then, rush to campus...its already 9.35am. late!!! the dear Dr. Tan Ai Hui dun allow me to do the lab though i try to persue her for a chance. she ask me to replace on 3/8/2004.no choice, i can only agree. back at my condo, felt totally bad... face black black. 11.15am, laying on my bed, half sleep half awake until 12 something, then woke up n went for 1 oclock class.
stil felt not good. moody...
sit in the class...listen to the lecturer talking... copying solutions for examples... then, ended up in library copying assignment. GUILTY!!! then went for lunch wit darren, NASI GORENG KEBAB. quite nice.yeah! later, went library, sit there n read news papers. talk alot of crap wit darren.

Finally, went for tutorial class. Its Dr. Praba's Electromagnetic Theory class. He announced before the class that this is his last class, for he will be leaving MMU after this week. I was sad to hear that. he was such a good lecturer, and a good guy. i will sure miss him.though he like to skip class, but, he can conduct a class much much better then some malay or chinese lecturers that claim they r good themselves...ohhhman!! wat ever!!

anyway, wanna take this opportunity here to say, Thank you Dr. Praba, for everything! Best Wishes!!! Its really MMU's waste to let a good lecturer go. SoLuTe To Dr. Praba!!! thank you for ur contribution!

then when i am after the class...i felt total relief.... thats y i am so happy after tat. so my mood turns good, n i am smillin away. hopefully tml i can get myself to er.... street mall tml to post wat i promise to post. the mail i mean.

well, tats all la. ....... lazy to write d =P

King Arthur...

2004-07-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

today, was a saturday. went pyramid wit 5 frens of mine from my hometown.
1, qian jun, my so good old fren...old until i can help her clean her teeth using tooth pic
2, re chuan, studyin in aus, back for holiday, superb happy gal wit totally nice personality, outgoing n strong!!
3, zhan wei, my good old pal leaving for japan for architecture on october. asian scholarship. v. brilliant guy!!
4, yee xuan, small size gal, nice, daughter of 2 teachers, nice, leaving for NUS on august...s'pore
5,kwong choon, my roommate in cyberjaya.

3 of them watch spiderman 2, 3 of us.. (me, kwong choon, qian jun) watch King Arthur.
1 word to describe it. SUPERB!!! really a nice movie. i giv it a high high rank.

the 1st scene i watch, i knew...its worth my ticket price. the background music is just awesome!!! the usage of mass Brass instrument, really brought out the feel of the whole movie. even v. simple shot, together wit the sound effect and the music, brought out a v stunning effect. plus, the story line is good, actor's characteristic is clear... Keira Knightley was a total beauty!!!
Fighting scene... was good. Touching movie, of companionship, loyalty, believe, trust among each others, and FREEDOM...

it took me 10 minutes after the movie... for myself to... talk normally.haha
nice movies!! really should go c!!!

tats all
tell u more next time...muahaha!!!

In d Lab.... In d Lab....

2004-07-14T15:19:00.000+08:00

n here i am..in the lab, wit nothing to do. its raining outside, and, my day is ruin by the late wakeup of myself. ahr man!!! Miss out one tutorial class. Thanks to the late sleep last nite. Regrets la...shouldn't hav done this. Its totally not rite...

Recently i hav a dream.......... i dream of... havin...3 million to spend.
but,today i woke myself up n tell my self tat i dont hav that amount of money!! so, i started to do something else. i started to...be nice n smile.
ok, i am crapping, but until now, the 2 gals tat i come across...i've already praise them for their charming n beautiness.

arrr...wat the hack am i typing. ya know, sometimes, i felt tat, as we grow elder...we somehow tend to, b more protective of ourselves. yeah...protective. nv really tot of htis question, but tat day when i went out wit my cool fren, she told me this.
n this stuff...relates to another matter...which is no other then the LOVE!!!
tats wat she say - "i've seen so many couples...get together..but the guy,was too playboy,n they tend to go for other gals eventhough they had one by their side d. i c them gettin 2gether,breaking up. how could i really trust a guy? n i wont go for any guys jsut bcoz i am single, lonely or desperate,n others arent like me.it makes me felt...cheap. who knows...mayb seein to much of this kinda example, i tend to b more protective bout myself." i noded as she said so.

it true ya know, as we go on, we notice...so many bad things happen in this world. when we r small, young n wild, we r happy. We nv realize how bad this world is turninng into, how wicket man's heart can be. and now, tat we r mature n grown up, we know... wat we this world is. we bcome more protective, we bcome more careful. we bcome less happy, n less happy...

Much depends on how we actually look at this world. but the news through the papers...really scared alot of people. n kids cant hav their happy childhood. n ladies walk alone will felt total horror... and man walk alone, will felt uncomfortable. who knows...where n when, we will b rob? killed? knocked down by a crazy driver? rape by a insane psycho,kidnapped by kidnappers...or head got cut off by terrorist. we nv know... sadly...we nv know. Big cities in malaysia...often seen through news papers..not coz of their glorious, modern lifestyle n society, but for their accidents, criminal cases...and that really scared the freak out of a certain people. certain people like me.

tats y, like always, i prefer goin to more pure n unpolluted places for a trip or holiday.KL?? no thanks. dislike the culture there. gives ppl the feelin of...MONEY ORIENTED.... totally personal point of view... no offence k~ yet this is the fact
this is the capital of malaysia. there r times when we r forced to go to these places for certain reason. n we live wit it. =)

hmmm....stil in lab...playin pool wit ewe...sien oo~!!!

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

2004-07-14T05:11:00.000+08:00

Saturday, 10/7/2004
well, today quite special. i attended a fren's sister's wedding. tat was morning. afternoon, call some1. v. nice..hehe...spend the noon wit family also. happy~~ then nite, went out wit a v. cool fren of mine. we talk alot... for 1 hour n 15 minutes.just the 2 of us... chattin things tat r from our heart. v. nice to hear from her again. n so, 2 aquarius talk alot abuot everything.
yeah~~

sunday, 11/7/2004
today, woke up, went morning market wit mum n dad...n brother n sister... wah! whole family went pasar together. hoho... =P boring ma. v. happy also. noon went back to cyberjaya..n started my study again for tuesday's exam

Monday, 12/7/2004
Just another manic monday. always makes ppl... feels bad. y sunday hav to go? y monday hav to come?
tats y....... i love saturday the most~~~ yeah baby!! at nite, totally got no mood to study. so me n housemates...were crapping n playin cards. wow~~~ crazy ei!!!

Tuesday 13/7/2004
Today, woke up, skip all classes.
Nite, exam, sucks like hell~!!! then Gunbound for a few hours... then.....duno wat the hack i do. n the time is now 5.10am.imagine!! gosh

wednesday.... 14/7/2004
its 5.10 now......... wat else i need to do? oh ya.....sleep
tml stil hav class for me
good luck for u n me n he n she!~!!!!!

And so.... there is no title for this blog.

2004-07-04T01:32:00.000+08:00

well, like always... this is the time for me to write a blog of my own. Like always, its again, late at nite...i am all alone, its so quiet, n lonely. It seems like the world had turn its back on me.

4/7/2004, 1.46am. It has been 23 days n 9 hours n 8 minutes since the person who meant alot to me, had left to persue her dreams. as for me, i had set a dream for myself... and i hope i can grab it. Love is such a strange n funny thing. hmmm...

can anyone tell me, isit really so bad if i go after a gal who already had a bf or some1 is already after her??

Life recently is...such bz, n bz. each day passes, faster then i can ever imagine.
Everyday, went campus in d morning, then spend time in library duno do wat... until evening only i am back to my condo.Experiencing the life of a nerd, i felt that they will not hav time for the stuffs below.

1. To Love
2. To Chat
3. To Write Blog
4. To Enjoy the life of Campus
5. They usually move alone.
6. They just seem v. boring.
7. Play Games.

arrr...who cares how they live. what i care is how i live. and my life, is bz. n pressure. n there's only 1 thing tat leads me to this. My target, my dream. I dun wanna be a failure anymore. Wat i want, is to smile confidently every day n nite again.

went swimming just now. found out that... i can stil swim...wah...happy~~ luckily i can stil swim though i am putting up weight again. but, there are some movements tat i cant do anymore. like leg streching, n continous running around the park at my home town for more then 3 round.

Money management comes in handy recently. Tryin to save as much money as possible. n it seems to b working abit. Lately been always desiring to go out for tea at MAMAK wit frens, or go hav a drink at somewhere n just sit there for a afternoon or nite, n think of wat ever i will think. It would be nice. But some how i stil cant do tat yet. duno y.

Tot this weekend i would hav a really damn nice trip in Port Dickson, who knows, last minute cancelled. dissapointing. I even brought a hawaii feel shirt, preparing to wear during the PD trip. anyway, wat ever.

Just now i was singing on my fren's bed. i sang so happily i even forget my fren were in the room. he took the digicam n took my funny looking singing look. Yet, i dun care. i just keep on singing. after tat i felt totally happy. But the happiness didn't last for long. Now, the thing that went through me...is just pressure....stress...n pressure...n stress...n pressure...n stress...

To tell the truth, i love exams...but i hate the exam outcome, which is the stupid RESULT!!!

Anyway, i felt that i am running myself out of anything tat is related to love, wat i mean is, Love, the love, tat includes admire, attracted, wat ever... its the love among couples. I somehow kick it to somewhere...n i cant find it now. hmm.

I miss some1 ... but often i myself don't know who i should b missing.

My fren Jimmy said tat next time when he hav band training wit his gang, he wan me 2 b in to play some keyboard. I nv play wit a band, and i nv dare to think wat will b the outcome. Stil wondering whether i should bring my keyboard here so tat i can play everyday. hmm.

Someone recently intro me to invest an amount of RM 2500 in a bizness... something like Pyramid Scheme. i just refused it. How on earth do i find the rm 2.5 k out for it? no idea.

Alone, oh ya. now aways, almost each and everyday, i went to campus on my own. i loiter around the campus on my own. N i went to library n sit alone to study alone, and sometimes i went to the Cafe to sit down and hav a drink, n look at those NERDS walking here n there alone. Since it is so alone... i might as well just alone n alone n alone n alone *gone insane alone*......

Come wat may... too many things are out of my reach, out of my control. I dream day and nite of having 3 things. 1 = good reputation n result. 2 = some1 3 = BMW M3.
But, good repu n result...always din get to reach me. for i always trip and fall b4 my hand can ever reached it.That particular someone, which here refering to more then 1 person, those tat fly flew away. those tat hav a home sticked to tat home n forever hope to b happy. those tat is chased by prince charming, so inbriated in the process of chasing n hiding. BMW M3...hahaha. even v. rich man will not simply buy a car tat worth half a million or more n make the money walk all around the free way rite~~~!!!! so, jsut a dream.

always wanted to...love some1. but, don't know y now all tat is in my mind, is just...to not love anyone, and to focus on something tat can raise my reputation n results. y... pitty life, ei~?

sometimes i miss piano much. Like now, i really miss the piano at home, it had accompany me to go through alot of highs and lows... when i am happy, my finger do dancing on it. when i am sad, my fingers play the sound of sorrow in me. when i am mad, a war drum begun to sound. Ahh..my piano~~ how i miss it. but, sometimes when i am sitting infront of it, and i wanted to play it, wat is in my mind just cant b played and expressed like i think it could. is my feelin gettin complicated? or is my skills of playin decreasing......? God knows...huh!

Deep inside my heart, theres 1 person there.That person, if u r the one, u wil know tat i am talking bout u. Take good care of urself. Had a great time n b happy always. My best wishes are always reserved for you. U know how much u meant to me, how much i care for u. =) oh...wat ever!!!

Deep inside my mind, there r 1 angel n 1 darevel. this 2 "thing" played an important role for my decision making, personality establishment, and many many more. But always, i was hold back coz of the fight btw this 2 thing tat had no winners. If only i can b more determine, more firm in wat i decide, in wat i plan, n then carry out bravely, confidently. Then, there should b not so many regrets in my life... at least recently... really got a few regrets tat nearly make me gone INSANE.

Boa - Everyheart is playin on my Winamp now. Felt totally tired. Eyes r almost closing. but heart stil dun felt like sleepin. Everynite i am like...waiting for some1. who? i hav no idea...hmm...
mayb i am jsut used to ...not sleeping.

ok...then tats it for this crappy blog. hav no idea wat i wrote!!! gosh...wat a mess!!!

Best wishes to myself on Wednesday's Exam. Best wishes to me on next tuesday's Exam. Peace 2 the world!!!

Songs Tat Make U Happy

2004-06-24T04:15:00.000+08:00

Well, basically, sometimes i might get real happy and excited due to a simple song, or tune, or music. as long as it makes me felt like jumping, or shakin, or singing ...then it makes me happy.
FOr example, Beautifool by OAG, Walk On by U2, and some other songs...
try it out!! it works.... some songs can even boost ur confidence...can motivate u, make u a more charming person~~ its true. So get urself a mobile music player or watever walkman discman MD player tat u can get... wear it, listen n start to b cool!!!

How To Fall In Love???

2004-06-24T03:55:00.000+08:00

Well, some how i think, when u r lookin at a gal's picture, this gal is nice, n quite beautiful, nice personality, then u r so lonely in this lonely nite, n songs are singing of lyrics, so romanticly, and then u r lookin at the picture...thinknig of the days u spend together wit this gal, and the way she talk...the cute expression she hav, the bright laughter she hav, the way she comfort you when u needed support the most...
And the song still singing... bout love, bout romance, bout lovers together...couple together....plus you are so lonesome...
Then u will easily fell in love wit this girl.
Y i said so?
hahaha.... Dun ask. i am not sure i am like tat or not also~~~

Errmmm.....Hmmmm......

2004-06-24T03:24:00.000+08:00

Ok...Its 3.36 am for 24/6/2004. A new day, n i haven get to bed yet. Everynite seems like waiting for something, duno wat... er....1st time joining this so call BLOG, duno wat isit actually. My fren told me dis is a place for u to write craps. mayb i should crap alot here.... will share some of my story wit ppl here if i am free enuf. hehe.
tats all~~~ so...~~ chao~~~