Losers...That's Me

Well...Speaking of losers... lets c wat hav i done for this semester.
1st, i wanted to score a gpa of 3.0 and above. now... i got 2 fail subject in hand alreaedy. Wats the purpose of setting a target anyway, when i couldn't even keep a promise to myself!!!

2nd, eversince back from the 2 week sick leave this semester... i am totally out of the study situation. The mood, the stamina, the energy...everything seem so not in form! Even my finals, i did not do well. I am not sad. I am just dissapointed. The spirit i once owned last semester... had long gone. My exam is doomed. The same goes for my future in MMU. But somehow there's a voice in me, keep tellin me...keep dragging me up from being so failure. This voice keep telling me... "dont loose now... no matter how, just go for it...there's stil a 2nd chance...SUPP Paper!!! must score for it...!!! "etc etc.

3rd, this semester, i lost a final hope on some1. The very final last bit of hope, has been burried ---death!!! And will never see the sun again! He and she...was together. And all the while i was like a fool...

Just now... i walked alone at the boulevard of cyberia to the restaurant to have my lunch. And i was thinking... all this time, i wanted to be special. I always think that i am unique in my very own way. I am the alternative, minority...in fact, i always think that i dont need to follow the crowd, for i hav my own way of leaving, my own style...own charmed. But this wasn't somehting tat i desire no more. I can't imagine the day, when all my frens graduate... the graduation...it should be great. And i am just a visitor... to them. Never knowing...my only and most desired hope, was to grad wit them together. And now, there's only me, alone. Friends do joke at me, sayin some funny stuff bout me... sometimes, i just smile. God knows... how sour it is to hear those jokes...

This is how a loser should be.

BRAIN - if some1 smart and wise, and clever and had a real amazing grade in academic is consider brilliant, so call "have brain", then i can be catogorized as the "Brainless" clan. Exam worst, slow learning process, and always stomach ache. Damn...!!!

SPORT POWER - I am not tall enuf to be outstanding, and i am fat. Clumsy and Fat, Tall but not Outstanding. I give no pressure when i am under the basket ... my rebound is not good, and i am SLOW...My stamina is as little as a 3 yearold kid hav. And i hav a big tummy tat can even hav WAVE effect... GOSH!!!

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE - I look some wat kiddy, chubby. Totally not matured. I wanted to be happy always, sunshine guy, wit a sunshine smile. But i cant'. SOmetimes some situation just makes ppl DOWN. i wanted to act cool, but hey..Look at my face... ppl ask me why am i so sad...when i am very angry!!! Oh My!!! DUe to the fat body, i hav a very limited choice in dressing up myself. My style is just..normal and..HIP HOP
well.... just v.v.v.v.v.v. basic hip hops...

MONEY - I dun hav much of that. Infact, i am lack of this thing. And my dad is lack of it too.... and tat leads to the lackage of money in my whole family. Too bad... and this leads to...
-no car
-no credit card
-no Altec Lansing or Philips or Logitech or Creative Speakers.
-no clubbing
-no mp3 player
-no Airjordan 20
-no new hp
-many many more

I am jealous. Some ppl can hav a dad, so rich offering them wat they want, even air ticket to go over to some rural place just to seek for a gal. Others... changes handphones... like eating POTATO CHIPS (y this potato chip???)

Hey y am i requesting so many things...wat hav i gave ?? wat hav i contribute to my family?to my parents? to the world???
I really shouldnt be asking so much. but i am in a low mood now...!!! i just wana write and write and write...wat i want!!!
This holiday..
i am goin to do this... even though i know i will end up doin nothing
i stil wana tell everyone my plan.

Everyday, study for supp, 3 subject (rough estimation)
Everyday Jogging.
Everyday Piano Practicing...
Everyday Crap... Everyday Be a GooD Me!!!

i am tired. i am lazy. my eyes cant stand anymore. its 2.35pm, a very beautiful and windy tuesday afternoon, 4/10/05. Remember this moment, i am writting this stupid blog...wit my stupid thoughts...of course its stupid. coz i am a LOSER!!!~~~ yeah~~~ !!!!

I wil not be like that anymore.
I wil be a better me... in times to come. i promise.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, Bro and Sis, really sorry i let u all down this time in this exam.
Its been long since the last time i make u all proud. Hopefully i will make u all proud in times to come.

Sorry my frens, u guys r really unfortunate to hav me as ur frens...thanks for your love, your patience and forgivenest.

Sorry MMU, u really earn alot of my money due to too many retake subject. Sorry to say, i dislike money education.

Sorry myself. I will change. I will...

想。

刚看过TV1 的电影， >. 十分感人，动人，发人深思。打了一通不该打的电话，给一个不该给的人，谈了一些我自己也不清楚是否真实的话题。

撇开讲，先讲讲自己。近来，黑夜白昼颠倒，生活十分混乱。总觉得。。。人人在进步，自己原地踏步。讲讲篮球，热爱它，却无法享受它。一个人的球，打不出什么精彩。为什么我的同伴都不在？他们在那里？为什么我会是只身上阵？？？一起打球的球友，哪去了？在图书馆。。。那熟悉，又陌生，让我又爱又恨的地方。。。来来往往的学者，有我认识的，也有不认识的。更有我几十年的佬友，好友，为什么我却总觉得孤单，为何我觉得孤身作战？？？朋友们一个小玩笑，在我听起来，十分刺耳。像无意间，把长剑穿心。。。流血不住。朋友的提醒，更让我觉得自己好象真的糟糕到这种地步，好象只有我，不懂考试将近。是否，我让大家觉得我，真的很爱玩，不爱读书，很堕落？？？ 妈的，是我自己敏感，还是我真的没用？或是我自己对自己真的没信心到这种严重的地步？我到底在搞什么？！！！ 总觉得，有一些人，报着“看你这此怎样死”的态度来看我。我不喜欢这种感觉。觉得被人看贬。不晓得是不是太太太太久没有尝过
赢的感觉，近来不怕输的我，渐渐变得怕输起来。

欺骗。。。有些事情，发生了，但我却傻傻的被人瞒骗过去，还有种被当是傻瓜的感觉。不谈那些，还有一个朋友，更糟，之前像极好朋友，现在讲电话却像应酬。。。我应酬她，她应酬我。 口口声声说，就算以后怎样怎样，我还是会是她的最要好的朋友。。。为何这话对我来说，如此沉重，如此奇怪，如此不堪入耳。。。？？？是否有些疑问，在我心底，我应该摊开来问，或就让时间的巨轮把它冲淡，让我忘记？今晚后，我会决定是否问个明白。我是否该相信她所说的，然后就不当一回事？或我该私底下静悄悄的察。。。察出个结果，我又能怎样？？？

感谢现代科技进步，首首音乐MP3，帮我平伏我起伏不定的心情。慢慢。。。睡意渐浓。。。头也有些重。BLURBLUR。。。

人生，匆匆，忙忙碌碌，一晃数十哉。。。做足一世金钱的奴才，读书为了要好工作，好工为了赚钱，赚钱为了买洋房养藩狗。。。江山如此多娇，引无数英雄竟折腰。无论多么强横，多么伟大，多么神通广大，到头来双脚一直，入土为安。。。金钱，生不带来，死不带去。赢得英明万世。。。但人已死，富贵名利如浮云。。。一飘而过，毫无痕迹，毫无眷恋。 那，我们在干吗？我不懂。道行不够，答不了。而今，只想做好本分，别让人瞧不起。再者，希望自己。。。更努力不懈，到了有钱有名，才去想，人生意义。最后，我还是放不下名利，俗得可以啊明伟！！！

世间有爱，人间有情，哪儿都是天堂。

一定要看> ,十分值得一看，然后慢慢想想。。。

与君喝一杯，同浇万古愁！！！

水云间

水云间

歌手：童孔
演唱：童孔

把酒黄昏后 醉卧水云间
彩云由我舞 挥洒一片天
天空几万里 云霞共翩翩

你是浮云 我是霞
缠缠绵绵到天边
缠绵到天边……
踏遍红尘路 结伴水云间
船儿载不动 情深几万年
梦随流水远 小河绕青山

你是青山 我是河
缠缠绵绵 到天边
缠绵到天边……

娶美女會短命

耶魯大學研究發現: 娶美女會短命　　
想要娶個理想的老婆的男士們可要大傷腦筋了，美國耶魯大學的心理學研究所日前發表其研究成果說，娶個其貌不揚的老婆，可以讓丈夫多活幾年。

該研究所研究人員是將已經過世的三千五百一十九位己婚男性和他們的老婆為研究對象，做法是將這些研究對象女方的照片，交給大學生打分數，設定二十分為滿分，十四分為下限，十三分以下是他們認為相貌平庸者，結果發現妻子得分越高，丈夫壽命越短，平均算來，妻子得十四分以上的丈夫壽命，比妻子得十三分以下的丈夫壽命短十二年。　　

專家們究其原因，認為娶個嬌美的老婆固然賞心悅目，但相對的要付出相當的精神負擔，為了顧好美麗的妻子，有時疑神疑鬼心緒不寧，有時要放低姿態，有時妒火中燒，長期在患得患失的情況下，身體狀況也跟著出現問題；而長相不甚出色的女子普遍以德服人，丈夫不但因而心胸坦闊，穩固的家庭基礎也讓丈夫們無後顧之憂。

呵呵..各位帥哥們，要仔細考慮想長壽還是短命啊!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

不娶美女的理由

1、個人生命安全得不到保障。現在這個社會有精神疾病的人太多了，你娶了美女難免有人嫉妒，難免他會想不開，於是跟蹤你，趁你不注意用刀子劈你，用斧子砍你，用石頭砸你，為了自己的安全考慮，我決定不娶美女。

2、隱私得不到保障。美女本身就是焦點，往往會有些變態之徒以偷窺美女為樂。你一娶美女，哈哈，說不定哪天一拉窗簾，發現屋外站滿了人，真樂呵呵的看著你和她曾經發生和即將發生的事情。

3、尊嚴得不到保障。娶個醜女回家，大可對她發號施令，娶個美女就不同了，萬一她對我莞爾一笑，說：“今天你洗碗好不好？”我估計會渾身骨頭頓時只有一兩重，不顧男子漢的尊嚴，屁股顛顛的就到廚房去洗碗了。

4、擔驚受怕。娶個美女回家，就得擔心會不會有人跟自己搶啊，老婆會不會耐不住寂寞給自己頂綠顏色的帽子帶帶。娶個醜女就不同了。哪怕吵架也可大膽的說：“算了吧！也就只有我，有一顆人道主義救死扶傷心娶你啊？”

5、英雄難過美人關。老子不是英雄，用不著過！6、省的又有人哀嘆“又一朵鮮花插在牛糞了”。自古紅顏多薄命，算命的說我會活的很長，我不想過早鰥居。7、美女的開銷太大。就算她不要我開銷，我也會為她開銷。8、美女如果老了，會和年輕時的反差很大。醜女就不同了，年輕時和年老是一樣的！

--------------------

X-Japan - TEARS

Tears
X-Japan
Dahlia


doko ni yukebaii anata to hanareteima wa sugisatta toki ni toi kakete
\nagasugita yuru ni tobi dachi wo yume mita
Ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoko wo dakishimete


* nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata no toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

LONELINESS, YOUR SILENT WHISPER
FILLS A RIVER OF TEARS THROUGH THE NIGHT
MEMORY, YOU NEVER LET ME CRY
AND YOU, YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE

SOMETIMES OUR TEARS BLINDED THE LOVE
WE LOST OUT DREAMS ALONG THE WAY
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRADE YOUR SOUL TO THE FATES
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE

TIME THROUGH THE RAIN HAS SET ME FREE
SANDS OF TIME WILL KEEP YOUR MEMORY
LOVE EVERLASTING FADES AWAY
ALIVE WITHIN YOUR BEATLESS HEART

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai kanashimi wo aoi-bara ni kaete
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

* repeat

DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE

if you could have told me everything
you would have found what love is
if you could have told me what was on your mind
I would have shown you the way
someday I'm gonna be older than you
I've never thought beyond that timeI
've never imagined the pictures of that life
for now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams
and forever with Tears

喜欢...爱...

原来...一个人同时可以喜欢很多很多人。尤其是。。。当你发现有一个女生十分可爱，十分好玩，十分SPORTING OUTGOING。。。那真是太好了。近来，不晓得为什么，身边总不乏条件不错的女生。认识女生，绝对不怯场。同时，不晓得怎了，可以同时喜欢上几个女生。这是搞什么？？？ 哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！ 最后，我发现，原来，当你不爱一个人，可以喜欢很多人。。。
我们有<<人之初>>的CANDICE，有身高170cm好玩SPORTING的席琳，有天天一袭白衣白裙的GUARDIAN PHARMACY SALES GAL，还有。。。MMU 里的ML 等等等。。。

但，喜欢这么多人。。。真的可以舒解心中的孤单吗？当你在做PART TIME，同时又去喜欢人，每晚回到家，累到一倒在床上就弹动不得，那么，这是足够的。因为，上班时，看见、听见，所有所有，都围绕在那些你喜欢的，你欣赏的，甚至是你想，可能有机会发展的。但，你爱的那个该如何？？？

当你爱错，然后想要放弃，需要极大的勇气。。。要忘记她。。。更需要非常强的决心。不，该说是绝情。只有绝情，心死，才能完完全全的把一个人放下。至少，我是这么想。忙忙碌碌的日子，只是让人把心低最深处，那对某人深深的思念，的爱慕硬硬压抑着。用力地埋着。。。当有一天你不再忙，偷得浮生半日闲的夜里，夜阑人静时分，听着首首以情歌为主的音乐电台，是否有所感触，心底埋藏已久的感觉，会否如澎湃汹涌的海浪，冲击着脆弱得即将决堤的堤岸。。。？？？爱她那么一个不爱自己的人，怎会如此的折磨。

撇开爱别说，喜欢很多人，也是很过瘾。为什么？哈！当你无聊，那起手机，不想发短讯给一些天天见面的酒肉朋友，大可以打开你喜欢女生的名单，想想那个比较方便说这话题，或哪个比较适合这时间出来，或哪个你比较想深入交往，就短讯她。简单容易。又可以制造机会，相当不错哦。时日久了，若觉得哪个比较适合，还可以从名单中淘汰不想要再喜欢的，多好！多潇洒！别人或许当你是好朋友。。。但切记，男女间要有纯友谊，除非你把她当是你的同类，否则，太亲密在一起肯定出事。（纯属个人醉酒的看法）就是这样啊。。。所以，你可以和人很好，笑容超灿烂的CANDICE一起玩，或身材热火的席琳一起看戏，或去认识一个你完全不认识的GUARDIAN PHARMACY SALES GIRL。单身，喜欢，就是这么简单。

爱...就像爱她一样，一举一动，一眸一笑，就连最不经意脱口而出的几句废话...都把它当成圣经宝典，永记在心。为的，只是不想错过任何爱她的机会...不想让她有一丝被伤害的机会。但，她却不懂你对她这样...甚至还会忘记她曾经在你面前哭泣，在你面前毫无原因发脾气，或有过的一些甜蜜回忆。或许对她来说，完全只是一些普通的回忆，或许，根本把你当成是好朋友而已。爱一个人，不是错，没有错，更不该是被怪错的那一方。但，爱，是否值得？爱到自己已经无法自拔，没有价值，那...还爱来干什？"别再做情人，做只猫，做只狗不做情人，做只宠物至少可爱动人，和你不楸不睬最终只会沦为敌人... - 爱与诚 - "

心情没有悲伤，没有高兴。平静吧...满累了。
CANDICE？？席琳？？ML？？还比不上一个C...
但，还要看，你到底要喜欢人...还是爱...
因为，我脑里，已经好久没有C了...是吗？？？
哈，天晓得！
晚安。

－写于Popular Book Fair 结束的当天凌晨－