And so.... there is no title for this blog.

well, like always... this is the time for me to write a blog of my own. Like always, its again, late at nite...i am all alone, its so quiet, n lonely. It seems like the world had turn its back on me.

4/7/2004, 1.46am. It has been 23 days n 9 hours n 8 minutes since the person who meant alot to me, had left to persue her dreams. as for me, i had set a dream for myself... and i hope i can grab it. Love is such a strange n funny thing. hmmm...

can anyone tell me, isit really so bad if i go after a gal who already had a bf or some1 is already after her??

Life recently is...such bz, n bz. each day passes, faster then i can ever imagine.
Everyday, went campus in d morning, then spend time in library duno do wat... until evening only i am back to my condo.Experiencing the life of a nerd, i felt that they will not hav time for the stuffs below.

1. To Love
2. To Chat
3. To Write Blog
4. To Enjoy the life of Campus
5. They usually move alone.
6. They just seem v. boring.
7. Play Games.

arrr...who cares how they live. what i care is how i live. and my life, is bz. n pressure. n there's only 1 thing tat leads me to this. My target, my dream. I dun wanna be a failure anymore. Wat i want, is to smile confidently every day n nite again.

went swimming just now. found out that... i can stil swim...wah...happy~~ luckily i can stil swim though i am putting up weight again. but, there are some movements tat i cant do anymore. like leg streching, n continous running around the park at my home town for more then 3 round.

Money management comes in handy recently. Tryin to save as much money as possible. n it seems to b working abit. Lately been always desiring to go out for tea at MAMAK wit frens, or go hav a drink at somewhere n just sit there for a afternoon or nite, n think of wat ever i will think. It would be nice. But some how i stil cant do tat yet. duno y.

Tot this weekend i would hav a really damn nice trip in Port Dickson, who knows, last minute cancelled. dissapointing. I even brought a hawaii feel shirt, preparing to wear during the PD trip. anyway, wat ever.

Just now i was singing on my fren's bed. i sang so happily i even forget my fren were in the room. he took the digicam n took my funny looking singing look. Yet, i dun care. i just keep on singing. after tat i felt totally happy. But the happiness didn't last for long. Now, the thing that went through me...is just pressure....stress...n pressure...n stress...n pressure...n stress...

To tell the truth, i love exams...but i hate the exam outcome, which is the stupid RESULT!!!

Anyway, i felt that i am running myself out of anything tat is related to love, wat i mean is, Love, the love, tat includes admire, attracted, wat ever... its the love among couples. I somehow kick it to somewhere...n i cant find it now. hmm.

I miss some1 ... but often i myself don't know who i should b missing.

My fren Jimmy said tat next time when he hav band training wit his gang, he wan me 2 b in to play some keyboard. I nv play wit a band, and i nv dare to think wat will b the outcome. Stil wondering whether i should bring my keyboard here so tat i can play everyday. hmm.

Someone recently intro me to invest an amount of RM 2500 in a bizness... something like Pyramid Scheme. i just refused it. How on earth do i find the rm 2.5 k out for it? no idea.

Alone, oh ya. now aways, almost each and everyday, i went to campus on my own. i loiter around the campus on my own. N i went to library n sit alone to study alone, and sometimes i went to the Cafe to sit down and hav a drink, n look at those NERDS walking here n there alone. Since it is so alone... i might as well just alone n alone n alone n alone *gone insane alone*......

Come wat may... too many things are out of my reach, out of my control. I dream day and nite of having 3 things. 1 = good reputation n result. 2 = some1 3 = BMW M3.
But, good repu n result...always din get to reach me. for i always trip and fall b4 my hand can ever reached it.That particular someone, which here refering to more then 1 person, those tat fly flew away. those tat hav a home sticked to tat home n forever hope to b happy. those tat is chased by prince charming, so inbriated in the process of chasing n hiding. BMW M3...hahaha. even v. rich man will not simply buy a car tat worth half a million or more n make the money walk all around the free way rite~~~!!!! so, jsut a dream.

always wanted to...love some1. but, don't know y now all tat is in my mind, is just...to not love anyone, and to focus on something tat can raise my reputation n results. y... pitty life, ei~?

sometimes i miss piano much. Like now, i really miss the piano at home, it had accompany me to go through alot of highs and lows... when i am happy, my finger do dancing on it. when i am sad, my fingers play the sound of sorrow in me. when i am mad, a war drum begun to sound. Ahh..my piano~~ how i miss it. but, sometimes when i am sitting infront of it, and i wanted to play it, wat is in my mind just cant b played and expressed like i think it could. is my feelin gettin complicated? or is my skills of playin decreasing......? God knows...huh!

Deep inside my heart, theres 1 person there.That person, if u r the one, u wil know tat i am talking bout u. Take good care of urself. Had a great time n b happy always. My best wishes are always reserved for you. U know how much u meant to me, how much i care for u. =) oh...wat ever!!!

Deep inside my mind, there r 1 angel n 1 darevel. this 2 "thing" played an important role for my decision making, personality establishment, and many many more. But always, i was hold back coz of the fight btw this 2 thing tat had no winners. If only i can b more determine, more firm in wat i decide, in wat i plan, n then carry out bravely, confidently. Then, there should b not so many regrets in my life... at least recently... really got a few regrets tat nearly make me gone INSANE.

Boa - Everyheart is playin on my Winamp now. Felt totally tired. Eyes r almost closing. but heart stil dun felt like sleepin. Everynite i am like...waiting for some1. who? i hav no idea...hmm...
mayb i am jsut used to ...not sleeping.

ok...then tats it for this crappy blog. hav no idea wat i wrote!!! gosh...wat a mess!!!

Best wishes to myself on Wednesday's Exam. Best wishes to me on next tuesday's Exam. Peace 2 the world!!!