Bad Tempered...

Today...back from cyberjaya MMU, reach home around 9.15pm after havin dinner wit jim n miao.
hmm...i hav no idea y i am so bad tempered. Mayb pressure...mayb, i cant get wat i wanted. i hav no idea.
i just felt totally v.v.v. bad, v.v. angry, v.v. frustrated. its like...everything is not under my control anymore. its like, i am capable of doin nothing good no more. i suck like shit. tats wat i felt.
Confidence in me just com

e and go. and i hav no idea why is that happening. wat hav i done wrong? that make me...such a loser recently? i dont understand wat the lecturer is lecturing during lecture classes, and i hav no idea wat will i get for the coming final. v.v. scared of it. if i ever to fail again, gosh, i dare not think wat will happen to me.
 
Lost of motivation and Target.... AGAIN!!! hav no idea wat am i doin, its like...i am letting myself go again... i am letting myself stepping deeper and deeper into a quicksand... nv gonna c the sunlight again...no more. bye bye.
 
How come this is happening? it really scares me... but, there wasn't any determination or dignity to change. wat happen to me? wat happen? i always look forward to ppl who live a real good life, rich spiritually, mentally. i look forward to ppl who went overseas...study, experience a total different culture, total different life. and come back to tell the tale. 
 
There are sometimes, somethings tat i wanted to do, that i cant' do. No example given, i kept it to myself. just that, there r something, that i wanted so hardly, n GOD DAMNIT i just cant get it. and there r ppl who, wanted something, and they get it. Just as simple as easy as that. Some that money can buy...which i DAMNIT dun hav. some...money cant buy... which i am ok coz its...faith. Hell!!! since when i believe in such stupid thing!! faith....arrr!!!
 
Y... y i am held back to do something by so many factors?? y can t i...just dun giv a damn on those stupid stuff and just do the things i wanted to do sometimes??
what hav i done wrong?? i did not kill anyone. i did not robbed anyone. i am a good guy.....er...lets let other to judge it.
 
but, i really hope, someday, i can do somethign like my heart tells...freely, and can success in something that i do. its been....... so so so long time, since the time i taste the sweetness of....SUCCESS....real long time.  i miss that feelin so so much. ARR DAMNIT!!!
when will that sweetness b tasted again...??
when??
tell me...tell me.....
 
P/S: special apology to my parents and my younger brother, for, my bad tempered, and rude attitude just now. Was too underpressure.