Losers...That's Me

Well...Speaking of losers... lets c wat hav i done for this semester.
1st, i wanted to score a gpa of 3.0 and above. now... i got 2 fail subject in hand alreaedy. Wats the purpose of setting a target anyway, when i couldn't even keep a promise to myself!!!

2nd, eversince back from the 2 week sick leave this semester... i am totally out of the study situation. The mood, the stamina, the energy...everything seem so not in form! Even my finals, i did not do well. I am not sad. I am just dissapointed. The spirit i once owned last semester... had long gone. My exam is doomed. The same goes for my future in MMU. But somehow there's a voice in me, keep tellin me...keep dragging me up from being so failure. This voice keep telling me... "dont loose now... no matter how, just go for it...there's stil a 2nd chance...SUPP Paper!!! must score for it...!!! "etc etc.

3rd, this semester, i lost a final hope on some1. The very final last bit of hope, has been burried ---death!!! And will never see the sun again! He and she...was together. And all the while i was like a fool...

Just now... i walked alone at the boulevard of cyberia to the restaurant to have my lunch. And i was thinking... all this time, i wanted to be special. I always think that i am unique in my very own way. I am the alternative, minority...in fact, i always think that i dont need to follow the crowd, for i hav my own way of leaving, my own style...own charmed. But this wasn't somehting tat i desire no more. I can't imagine the day, when all my frens graduate... the graduation...it should be great. And i am just a visitor... to them. Never knowing...my only and most desired hope, was to grad wit them together. And now, there's only me, alone. Friends do joke at me, sayin some funny stuff bout me... sometimes, i just smile. God knows... how sour it is to hear those jokes...

This is how a loser should be.

BRAIN - if some1 smart and wise, and clever and had a real amazing grade in academic is consider brilliant, so call "have brain", then i can be catogorized as the "Brainless" clan. Exam worst, slow learning process, and always stomach ache. Damn...!!!

SPORT POWER - I am not tall enuf to be outstanding, and i am fat. Clumsy and Fat, Tall but not Outstanding. I give no pressure when i am under the basket ... my rebound is not good, and i am SLOW...My stamina is as little as a 3 yearold kid hav. And i hav a big tummy tat can even hav WAVE effect... GOSH!!!

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE - I look some wat kiddy, chubby. Totally not matured. I wanted to be happy always, sunshine guy, wit a sunshine smile. But i cant'. SOmetimes some situation just makes ppl DOWN. i wanted to act cool, but hey..Look at my face... ppl ask me why am i so sad...when i am very angry!!! Oh My!!! DUe to the fat body, i hav a very limited choice in dressing up myself. My style is just..normal and..HIP HOP
well.... just v.v.v.v.v.v. basic hip hops...

MONEY - I dun hav much of that. Infact, i am lack of this thing. And my dad is lack of it too.... and tat leads to the lackage of money in my whole family. Too bad... and this leads to...
-no car
-no credit card
-no Altec Lansing or Philips or Logitech or Creative Speakers.
-no clubbing
-no mp3 player
-no Airjordan 20
-no new hp
-many many more

I am jealous. Some ppl can hav a dad, so rich offering them wat they want, even air ticket to go over to some rural place just to seek for a gal. Others... changes handphones... like eating POTATO CHIPS (y this potato chip???)

Hey y am i requesting so many things...wat hav i gave ?? wat hav i contribute to my family?to my parents? to the world???
I really shouldnt be asking so much. but i am in a low mood now...!!! i just wana write and write and write...wat i want!!!
This holiday..
i am goin to do this... even though i know i will end up doin nothing
i stil wana tell everyone my plan.

Everyday, study for supp, 3 subject (rough estimation)
Everyday Jogging.
Everyday Piano Practicing...
Everyday Crap... Everyday Be a GooD Me!!!

i am tired. i am lazy. my eyes cant stand anymore. its 2.35pm, a very beautiful and windy tuesday afternoon, 4/10/05. Remember this moment, i am writting this stupid blog...wit my stupid thoughts...of course its stupid. coz i am a LOSER!!!~~~ yeah~~~ !!!!

I wil not be like that anymore.
I wil be a better me... in times to come. i promise.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, Bro and Sis, really sorry i let u all down this time in this exam.
Its been long since the last time i make u all proud. Hopefully i will make u all proud in times to come.

Sorry my frens, u guys r really unfortunate to hav me as ur frens...thanks for your love, your patience and forgivenest.

Sorry MMU, u really earn alot of my money due to too many retake subject. Sorry to say, i dislike money education.

Sorry myself. I will change. I will...